Monday, April 17, 2017
And, that would be true. Believe me, I'm not one of those who got sober and then left all of this muddling about in the muddy recovery trenches for higher ground, I depend on all that muddling about to remind me that I've made it out and want to stay out. Telling others every day that I am sober, is necessary for me to stay sober. Because, believe me, if I thought no one was looking or noticing, it would be so easy to slip. By staying sober for others, I stay sober for myself.
So, where have I been? I spend a lot of my time, the majority of my time, the cap'n would say, over on the Moderation Management sites. Between the MM forum, the MM listserv, mmabsers (yes, MM has a community for those of us who have chosen not to drink at all), the MM Public Hub and the MM facebook page. Oh yeah, and in the MM Abs Chatroom on Wednesday nights.
I'm not listing all of those communities to say, "Hey, look at me and everything I do." Instead, I list them to show what it takes to keep me sober. For me, sobriety is work and while I still marvel at non-hangover mornings and sleep-filled nights, those are not enough for me to stay sober. I have to stand up in my virtual recovery world every day and say, "Hi, my name is Kary May, I'm an alcoholic and I'm not drinking today." These online communities are my smoky church basements. Some people would say, "You've replaced one addiction for another." and they're probably right, but this addiction isn't going to kill me and if I help a few people along the way, more better.
I am also not saying that anyone else has to become or should become this involved in the recovery world to stay sober, some people quit drinking and ride off happily into those glorious sunsets never to be heard from again. And, that's okay. Not everyone wants to be career soldiers. But, I do think you have to find a replacement addiction, but let's not call it an addiction, instead let's call it a purpose.
Too many times we wait until something horrible happens to change our drinking. Too many times that is a temporary change, just until the memories of horribleness and regret change. What if instead, we chose a good reason to make that change. A new purpose.
Ok, I know. We all already know that is the best way to go, don't we? But we don't do it. We think we can pursue that new purpose and still drink. The thing is, until you have crawled out of that miserable muddy trench and off the battlefield, you can't imagine the possibilities are waiting for you. You can't. You have to take a chance and believe.
There is something amazing waiting for you. A purpose. And as I told myself long ago, "I know that purpose is not to go through life as a drunk."
As is my usual form, I've wandered totally off track and I wasn't even sure what track I was on to begin with.
Thank you, to those who wrote and checked to make sure I was okay. I am. I'll try to do better about reporting in and stopping by to see all of you wonderful bloggers on your own blogs, but one reason I could abandon my post here for so long is because I know that that there are so many other amazing soldiers out on this battlefield saving lives. Don't sell yourselves short, that is what you're doing.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
The book that 4 people are talking about! Available on Amazon for $.99 for the next 5 days.
(Holy Flying Shitbirds! I finally figured out (again) how to link a picture to a website.)
Guaranteed results if you read this book! (okay, you can't just read it, you have to do some other things, too. This recovery thing just doesn't happen by reading, although I spent many years just "reading" about it.)
Before and After Pics of one Satisfied Reader. (Ok, so I'm the writer too, but I bet I read this book more times than all four of those people who are talking about it combined.)
Isn't this a lovely tableau? That's my friend, Karen, over there singing her heart out-I'm pretty sure the song was Delilah, she always sings Delilah- and the cap'n obviously not very happy with me. See the bright sun shining through the window, it must be like all of 3:30 pm.
This would have been about 9 months after I quit drinking-about a year after the previous pic.
Want some more?
I must have really liked that shirt when I was drinking.
Need any more? I don't
Sunday, January 8, 2017
I started off 2017 with such firm intentions of posting here every day, not my usual endless diatribes, just short-sweet, gratitude-filled post.
You can see how far firm intentions have gotten me. Just about as far as my yearly intentions to exercise more have gotten toward a firm body. I think I might be stuck in reverse.
I have been writing though and I have been busy, blah, blah, blah...
So as a cop-out. I present this post I wrote for yesterday's Druary Day 7 Post:
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Welcome to Day 7!
Can I ask you a few questions?
Why are you here?
Do you feel like you need to be here?
Or, do you want to be here?
Either reason is a good one, but, as two different points from which we can start this month, they have a huge influence over where we arrive at the end of this month. More importantly, it makes a huge difference in the journey.
Are you here to escape the pain drinking can bring, but can’t think of any place to run to? Has drinking become your only refuge?
Or, are you here to discover other places of refuge? Some place other than a bottle in which to immerse yourself?
For most of us, this month will not be easy. And, yes, there will be times, in the first few days, when we think we’re not getting anywhere. We might stumble. That’s okay. As babies learning to walk, we stumbled lots, but we got right back up, didn’t we? You might fall. That’s okay, too. As a kid learning to ride a bike, I bet you fell, didn’t you? Of course you did. I’ll also bet you finally learned how to ride a bike, right? Because you didn’t give up. No matter how many skinned knees or how much road rash you suffered. Because you wanted to learn so bad. Because the reward was worth every bit of the pain.
It is our nature to persevere, then, triumph. Drinking can too often persuade us to stay in the stumbling stage and on the ground when our hearts keep saying, “Fly!”
We could use this month to just concentrate on not stumbling and falling. By not drinking, we will avoid the hangovers, the fights with our spouse or significant other, the invariable tiredness that dogs our days, the irksome guilt trips, the bewildering feelings of shame that persist no matter how many times we tell ourselves we’re no worse than the next guy-no matter how many times the next guy tells us we’re not that bad, to quit making a big deal of our drinking…All that in itself could be reward enough. We could even hope by just accomplishing damage control, permanent change will come. Our bodies and mind might heal enough. As might our relationships. We might even enter February with firm intentions to drink less.
But, why? Just to keep from falling again?
Is that all we want? To just walk through life? Not fall down too much?
Or, do we want more?
Do we want to use this month to go in search of something to keep us sober on Friday night because we can’t wait for Saturday mornings all year long? Do we want to rediscover what it’s like to laugh so hard we beg for mercy-without being drunk? Do we want to see what joys the evening can bring without all the joy being sucked out of us the next morning?
So, back to that question, are you here because you need to be?
Or, are you here to learn to fly?
Submitted by Kary May