How The Heck Are You? 6/2/2017: Unconflicted

“It is therefore senseless to think of complaining since nothing foreign has decided what we feel, what we live, or what we are.” 
― Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness

I'm good this morning, already a little overwhelmed by the thought that I'm not going to have a minute to myself for a week with the granddaughter here, but it will be worth it. I've worked really hard to make this place, our cabin, a place of special memories for the grandkids-both of my grandmothers died before I was 4 but I was lucky to have an aunt who didn't have any children who filled that role. My granddaughter has already tried to cram every one of our "routines" into her first day here. We've hiked, thrown rocks in the creek, gone to our secret place, cut out paper dolls, dragged out every toy even the ones she doesn't play with, made a tent, visited the statue of Mary on the other bank several times to touch her and get our power shot, zing-zing, had a tea party...Yes, I'm exhausted and I've created a monster. 

 Yesterday, as I drove back here, I passed several ranchers along the way, some of them were yanking hay out of the back of their trucks, but a few of them were just leaning on their fences looking out on their fields, as though they still couldn't believe "this" was all theirs. I had a sleeping granddaugher in the backseat, there is still snow on the peaks of the mountains, a storm was brewing over one range, the valley is just starting to show the arrival of spring with a hint of green in its fields, and I wasn't hungover, or thinking about drinking, or worrying about my drinking, or planning when I was going to drink. These are the moments that are perfection for me, simple moments, perfectly normal moments. These are when I realize most clearly how grateful I am to finally feel normal, un-conflicted by alcohol.  I'm just "being."

How the heck are you?