Last night I had an epiphany, it wasn't anything I didn't already know, it was just something I haven't remembered for a while. I keep praying for certain things to change, doing things to try and make them change, and getting frustrated and disheartened because they are not changing.
Last night I realized, once again, the only thing I can work on changing and rely on changing is myself. I haven't worked really hard on changing anything about myself since I quit drinking. Oh, I play at it. I make plans and I stick to them for a day or three or four, but then I fall right back into the ruts in this old wagon-worn trail called life. I haven't really committed to any real change. I haven't stopped to envision who I want to be five years from now. Oh, I've wished for her, I've dreamed of her, but I haven't sat down and drawn "her" out and mapped out the creation of "her." I haven't committed to "her."
I used this "tool" when I first did battle with the drink. I drew a mind picture of who I wanted to be and wrote it out in my blog so I'd remember it. I can still picture that woman I wanted to become, even though she never became a reality, but that was okay, because for a brief time I wanted bad enough to be her that she started me on the path to change. Change happened and while I didn't become that woman, I became a changed woman and that was the ultimate goal. And when I became that changed woman, other things in my life began to change for the better.
So today I am setting out resolutely on the path of change. I'm going to spend today constructing "her" in my mind . It's going to be fun. I'll introduce "her" to ya'll tomorrow. Then, down the line, we can all look back and see how close I got to my mark.
I'm excited.
How The Heck Are You?
That change only needs to be small.
ReplyDeleteA decision to floss every night. Or pause before getting out of bed and to say thank you...to yourself, God, whatever...
It doesn't have to be monumental. It is the small things that hold the magic.
Anne
Amen, thank you for the reminder. Just like in recovery baby steps are usually more productive than taking taking giant leaps you're not ready for.
DeleteAnd baby steps add up!
DeleteTo grown up steps!
xo
Wendy
Some of us need bigger goals than others depending upon their energy. Being a rather energetic meercat myself, my goals need to be clear and strong to keep pushing me or I get bored.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed however, that since giving up drinking 7 months ago, I haven't set any - change is upon me like a storm and i am just going with it!
Looking forward to what you come up with :)
Michellexx
Brilliant post because it's as if you wrote it for me. This is EXACTLY where I am in life. I have struggled to make some major changes: give up the sugar, consistently exercise, make plans for projects, learn to speak publicly, but I don't follow through on a daily basis. When it comes time to enact a plan, I may be strong for about a week (at most), and then I lose enthusiasm. It's the same way I used to quit drinking ... I made great plans, marked calendars, made commitments, and then would drink a lot that actual day to "plan" for my longterm sobriety. So when it came down to follow through, I always put if off.
ReplyDeleteSame goes with writing. I just recently (yesterday) leased an office, so I am hoping this will give me the credibility WITH MYSELF to stick with a plan.
Thank you so much for this blog. I am going to frame Mr. Maxwell's quote! ❤️
Just dont forget, any of us, to give crefit for the biggest, most important change.....the one that involves not emptying a bottle. That is a bit of a biggie.....
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister!
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