Thursday, June 15, 2017

How The Heck Are You? 6/15: Future Me

There were lots of different reactions on the MM Listserv to my post on Change yesterday, some people also have changes they want to make, some are happy where they are and some feel learning to accept who we are and where we are is more important than wanting to change.  They are all wonderful outlooks and I have enjoyed each of those prospects at different times in my life. I have changed internally greatly since I quit drinking, I now live a more honest life, I am no longer afraid all the time, I am definitely more peaceful but there are still other changes I would like to see. I'd like to become less judgmental, more compassionate, less greedy. I want to be more independent financially, I want to realize my life-long dream of making writing my vocation. I want to live a simpler life-one place I call home, lots of flowers growing outside my door, lots of warmth inside. A big vegetable garden and lots of room to roam. Home-made candles and soaps. Canned goods filling the shelves of the kitchen. Simple life. Simple needs.

So here's the mind picture:

A woman with a long white braid leans against the frame of the door of an old stone house. The door is either bright red, purple or a sun faded blue-I can't decide but I have few years to. She is tanned, her face is lined, but her eyes are clear and bright. Lavender bushes lines the walk up to the house, the porch is a clutter of pots full of herbs and flowers. There's a watering can by the door. The woman is wearing faded jeans with holes in at least one knee and probably one in the ass of jeans, an ever present rosary has worn a pattern in the left hip pocket. A blue chambray shirt tied at the waist. completes her daily uniform. She is in no hurry, whatever is waiting can wait a little longer. The sun is just coming up, waking up the lavender so it can exhale the scent it has been holding through the night.

Oh yeah, she's still sober. Because the dream would never be possible if she wasn't.

It's a dream but, for me, dreams are necessary to lift me out of my current self, to help me identify the roots of my discontent and to discover where my happiness is waiting for me. I may not get everything in that dream above, I may find out I hate canning because I don't have real fond memories of canning day when I was growing up-too much work. But, for me, that mind picture, gives me something to strive for, it makes me want to keep growing and exploring this life of mine.

Now, I'm going to go find some Home-made candle recipes-my Yankee Candle addiction is not going to be supportable in my future less materialistic, less income driven life.  Of course, I'm probably going to find out that it's more expensive to make my own. lol

How the Heck Are You This Morning?

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