Thursday, January 12, 2017

Dryuary Countdown Special!

The book that 4 people are talking about! Available on Amazon for $.99 for the next 5 days.

(Holy Flying Shitbirds! I finally figured out (again) how to link a picture to a website.)

Guaranteed results if you read this book! (okay, you can't just read it, you have to do some other things, too. This recovery thing just doesn't happen by reading, although I spent many years just "reading" about it.)

Before and After Pics of one Satisfied Reader. (Ok, so I'm the writer too, but I bet I read this book more times than all four of those people who are talking about it combined.)


Isn't this a lovely tableau? That's my friend, Karen, over there singing her heart out-I'm pretty sure the song was Delilah, she always sings Delilah- and the cap'n obviously not very happy with me. See the bright sun shining through the window, it must be like all of  3:30 pm.


This would have been about 9 months after I quit drinking-about a year after the previous pic.

Want some more?


Not Drinking:


I must have really liked that shirt when I was drinking.

Not Drinking:

Need any more? I don't

Sunday, January 8, 2017


I started off 2017 with such firm intentions of posting here every day, not my usual endless diatribes, just short-sweet, gratitude-filled post.

You can see how far firm intentions have gotten me. Just about as far as my yearly intentions to exercise more have gotten toward a firm body. I think I might be stuck in reverse.

I have been writing though and I have been busy, blah, blah, blah...

So as a cop-out. I present this post I wrote for yesterday's Druary Day 7 Post:

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Welcome to Day 7!
Can I ask you a few questions?
Why are you here?
Do you feel like you need to be here?
Or, do you want to be here?
Either reason is a good one, but, as two different points from which we can start this month, they have a huge influence over where we arrive at the end of this month. More importantly, it makes a huge difference in the journey.
Are you here to escape the pain drinking can bring, but can’t think of any place to run to? Has drinking become your only refuge?
Or, are you here to discover other places of refuge? Some place other than a bottle in which to immerse yourself?
For most of us, this month will not be easy. And, yes, there will be times, in the first few days, when we think we’re not getting anywhere. We might stumble. That’s okay. As babies learning to walk, we stumbled lots, but we got right back up, didn’t we? You might fall. That’s okay, too. As a kid learning to ride a bike, I bet you fell, didn’t you? Of course you did. I’ll also bet you finally learned how to ride a bike, right? Because you didn’t give up. No matter how many skinned knees or how much road rash you suffered. Because you wanted to learn so bad. Because the reward was worth every bit of the pain.
It is our nature to persevere, then, triumph.  Drinking can too often persuade us to stay in the stumbling stage and on the ground when our hearts keep saying, “Fly!”
We could use this month to just concentrate on not stumbling and falling. By not drinking, we will avoid the hangovers, the fights with our spouse or significant other, the invariable tiredness that dogs our days, the irksome guilt trips, the bewildering feelings of shame that persist no matter how many times we tell ourselves we’re no worse than the next guy-no matter how many times the next guy tells us we’re not that bad, to quit making a big deal of our drinking…All that in itself could be reward enough. We could even hope by just accomplishing damage control, permanent change will come.  Our bodies and mind might heal enough. As might our relationships. We might even enter February with firm intentions to drink less.
But, why? Just to keep from falling again?
Is that all we want? To just walk through life? Not fall down too much?
Or, do we want more?
 Do we want to use this month to go in search of something to keep us sober on Friday night because we can’t wait for Saturday mornings all year long? Do we want to rediscover what it’s like to laugh so hard we beg for mercy-without being drunk? Do we want to see what joys the evening can bring without all the joy being sucked out of us the next morning?
So, back to that question, are you here because you need to be?
Or, are you here to learn to fly?
Submitted by Kary May

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Bigger Clothes

“As a child, my clothes were always tailored to be oversized, because I quickly outgrew them and then needed bigger ones. As an adult, I still don't cut my coat according to size” 
― Sola Kosoko

Okay, yeah, if I'm being truthful, and I'm all about truthfulness these days, I just bought yet another dress that is in a size that I haven't seen since Reagan was in office and I was still gobbling speeders like they were Tic-Tacs.

But, in regards to the bigger picture, the bigger me,  I still have some growing to do.

Tomorrow will be all about fresh starts and growing in better directions. You know that. I don't have to tell you. I also don't have to tell you that what you do today or tonight will weigh heavily on how you feel about yourself tomorrow. You already know that, too, and I doubt seriously if I have the depth of eloquence to convince you to change whatever plans you have made.  Besides, if you're planning on going out and really tying one on, I doubt that you're cruising the sober blogs in the hopes the power of the written word will be enough to convince you to drink moderately or not at all.

I only have one request of you.

Be safe tonight and live for tomorrow-not like there is no tomorrow.  Because I want you to grow into those bigger clothes you've got waiting for you.

Tomorrow, if you wake up and you know it's time for a break from drinking, time to find a more expansive and forgiving wardrobe, I am extending you an invitation to join with hundreds of others who will be taking the month of January off from drinking at  Go ahead and get registered, it won't hurt. Not near as bad as it hurt me to squeeze into that dress and look in the mirror.

Getting it back off was a whole new fresh kind of hell.

Happy and Safe New Year, One and All! 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Free Again Tomorrow!! 12/7/2016

Yep, I'm doing it again. My book will be offered for a free download tomorrow.

Here's the link:

Or hit on the pretty picture over there in the sidebar!

'Tis the season for giving and you gotta give sobriety away to keep it, so that's what I'm doing! I'm selfish that way.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Just In Time For Christmas! Best Christmas Present You'll Ever Give! Free Book-Tomorrow! 12/5!

(Ok, so I lied about not posting until Jan.)

If you're worried about sticking to your moderation or abs goals this Christmas season, or if you'd like to screw with your friends' heads-I've got the perfect Christmas gift and it's Free-Tomorrow! (Kind of like Free Beer at your favorite bar, except in this case, tomorrow finally comes)

In a special exclusive offer to my blogger friends and the rest of the world, Neighbor Kary May's Handbook To Happily Drinking Less, or Not Drinking At All-Quite Happily
wiil be available for a free download on December 5 and again on December 6, 2016 as my Christmas gift to you. Yes, that's it in living color and yet another link over on the sidebar.
For those who have already purchased my book, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and to remind you that you also have an opportunity to give during this Christmas season by giving to the recovery community of your choice. If you email me proof of your purchase of my book, I will donate half of my proceeds from your purchase back to that community. 
Merry Christmas! Love You All!

***Sorry!! Earlier title said book would be free today, 12/6, also, but it isn't!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

WTF??!!! My Own Blog Doesn't Remember Who I Am!

For some reason blogger doesn't want to let me comment on my own blog but it will let me post.

I am doing better. As Groundhog Girl said in her comment, "There is an ebb and flow." Well, the cap'n and I are flowing again, however, I can't help but worry about how long the flow will continue to run smoothly. Perhaps it is like quitting drinking, you try and try and try and then...finally...the try lasts.

I am going to give myself a vacation from the blog until the first of 2017, I have too much going on with my toy drive, the annual MM fundraiser, and the usual Christmas stuff,  but I'll  be back on Jan. 1 just as shiny as a Christmas ornament on a tree whose last needles are hanging on for dear life.  (Not sure what that analogy is supposed to mean, but I like it.)

Merry Christmas To Each And Every One! If sobriety is your greatest wish for Christmas, I hope your stocking ends up bulging to capacity and spilling over all over the place.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

The Old Back And Forth

Sometimes I get really tired of going back and forth, I want to be happy and content in one place and just stay there forever, or at least until I get bored.

But that ain't how life works, is it?

I am back in Mexico and while I don't enjoy the days spent packing leading up to traveling here, or the travel, or the days of unpacking once I get here, the physical effort of that back and forth takes a miniscule amount of energy compared to the emotional effort. The emotional back and forth is draining.

During the summer, I live like a hermit in my mountain cabin, especially when the cap'n is working which is about 90% of the time. During the summer, I get to live life by my own rules and schedule and opinion. I get up when I want and go to bed when I want. I turn the tv on when I want, if I turn it on at all. I watch whatever shows I want, or sit on the computer all day long if  I want without someone there to make me feel guilty about ignoring them. I eat what I want, but still manage to feel guilty about a meal of potato chips or ice cream.

And best of all...

I don't have to discuss any of it with anyone.

There is no back and forth about, "Are you ready to go to bed?" or "What sounds good for dinner?"

(There's also no one talking at me, commenting about what the pundits are saying on "Meet The Press" or asking me about shopping receipts from yesterday when I'm trying to write a blog, which has happened about five times already while I have been trying to write these few lines.)

So, yes, the back and forth between Colorado and Mexico is difficult for me in more ways than geographical.

I haven't even talked about the drinking yet.

I still struggle greatly with the cap'n's drinking. I don't talk about it much on here out of respect for his privacy, but sometimes it overwhelms me so much...

During the summer, he is away but he also doesn't drink because he is working, so, even though it is long distance, during those too few months,I am married to a sober person. When we come to Mexico and he is not working, which at some point in the very near future, he will be doing on a permanent basis-not working that is-he drinks. I won't go into amounts or from what time in the morning until what time at night, but he drinks a lot. Like I used to.

And that back and forth is the scariest for me. Because I know I can't do it much longer. Certainly not for the rest of my or his lifetime. Life's too short.

It's scary for me also because it starts that old teeter-totter in my head.

"If I tried drinking again, I could stay in my marriage. Maybe I could moderate this time. Maybe I'd be happier than I am right now. Maybe drinking in moderation would fill those holes in my life that not drinking at all has left empty."

Then, yesterday, I was driving home from toy drive shopping with one of my best friends, a best friend who never knew me when I was drinking, a best friend I wouldn't have if I'd continued to drink and I was regaling her with stories about "Drinking Kary May." She'd heard some stories from other people but wanted to get it straight from the horse's mouth.

After sharing some of my funniest exploits, I told her, "I miss those times and I have to admit I haven't had near as much fun since I quit drinking. But the thing is, I know if I hadn't quit drinking, I probably would no longer have a relationship with any of my kids. I know I wouldn't be trusted with my grandchildren. I'd hate myself because of that. And I might very well be dead."

I can live with less fun.

I can live in this "place"-the not drinking place- happily and content forever.