Monday, April 17, 2017

Still Kicking!

I'm not really sure why I haven't blogged recently, I guess I could say my life has gotten too busy, that I had to let something slip and my blog is what slipped. 

And, that would be true. Believe me, I'm not one of those who got sober and then left all of this muddling about in the muddy recovery trenches for higher ground, I depend on all that muddling about to remind me that I've made it out and want to stay out. Telling others every day that I am sober, is necessary for me to stay sober. Because, believe me, if I thought no one was looking or noticing, it would be so easy to slip. By staying sober for others, I stay sober for myself.

So, where have I been?  I spend a lot of my time, the majority of my time, the cap'n would say, over on the Moderation Management sites. Between the MM forum, the MM listserv, mmabsers (yes, MM has a community for those of us who have chosen not to drink at all), the MM Public Hub and the MM facebook page. Oh yeah, and in the MM Abs Chatroom on Wednesday nights.

I'm not listing all of those communities to say, "Hey, look at me and everything I do." Instead, I list them to show what it takes to keep me sober. For me, sobriety is work and while I still marvel at non-hangover mornings and sleep-filled nights, those are not enough for me to stay sober. I have to stand up in my virtual recovery world every day and say, "Hi, my name is Kary May, I'm an alcoholic and I'm not drinking today." These online communities are my smoky church basements. Some people would say, "You've replaced one addiction for another." and they're probably right, but this addiction isn't going to kill me and if I help a few people along the way, more better.

I am also not saying that anyone else has to become or should become this involved in the recovery world to stay sober, some people quit drinking and ride off happily into those glorious sunsets never to be heard from again. And, that's okay. Not everyone wants to be career soldiers. But, I do think you have to find a replacement addiction, but let's not call it an addiction, instead let's call it a purpose.

Too many times we wait until something horrible happens to change our drinking. Too many times that is a temporary change, just until the memories of horribleness and regret change.  What if instead, we chose a good reason to make that change. A new purpose. 

Ok, I know. We all already know that is the best way to go, don't we? But we don't do it. We think we can pursue that new purpose and still drink. The thing is, until you have crawled out of that miserable muddy trench and off the battlefield, you can't imagine the possibilities are waiting for you. You can't. You have to take a chance and believe. 

There is something amazing waiting for you. A purpose. And as I told myself long ago, "I know that purpose is not to go through life as a drunk."

As is my usual form, I've wandered totally off track and I wasn't even sure what track I was on to begin with. 

Thank you, to those who wrote and checked to make sure I was okay. I am. I'll try to do better about reporting in and stopping by to see all of you wonderful bloggers on your own blogs, but one reason I could abandon my post here for so long is because I know that that there are so many other amazing soldiers out on this battlefield saving lives. Don't sell yourselves short, that is what you're doing.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Dryuary Countdown Special!

The book that 4 people are talking about! Available on Amazon for $.99 for the next 5 days.

(Holy Flying Shitbirds! I finally figured out (again) how to link a picture to a website.)

Guaranteed results if you read this book! (okay, you can't just read it, you have to do some other things, too. This recovery thing just doesn't happen by reading, although I spent many years just "reading" about it.)

Before and After Pics of one Satisfied Reader. (Ok, so I'm the writer too, but I bet I read this book more times than all four of those people who are talking about it combined.)


Isn't this a lovely tableau? That's my friend, Karen, over there singing her heart out-I'm pretty sure the song was Delilah, she always sings Delilah- and the cap'n obviously not very happy with me. See the bright sun shining through the window, it must be like all of  3:30 pm.


This would have been about 9 months after I quit drinking-about a year after the previous pic.

Want some more?


Not Drinking:


I must have really liked that shirt when I was drinking.

Not Drinking:

Need any more? I don't

Sunday, January 8, 2017


I started off 2017 with such firm intentions of posting here every day, not my usual endless diatribes, just short-sweet, gratitude-filled post.

You can see how far firm intentions have gotten me. Just about as far as my yearly intentions to exercise more have gotten toward a firm body. I think I might be stuck in reverse.

I have been writing though and I have been busy, blah, blah, blah...

So as a cop-out. I present this post I wrote for yesterday's Druary Day 7 Post:

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Welcome to Day 7!
Can I ask you a few questions?
Why are you here?
Do you feel like you need to be here?
Or, do you want to be here?
Either reason is a good one, but, as two different points from which we can start this month, they have a huge influence over where we arrive at the end of this month. More importantly, it makes a huge difference in the journey.
Are you here to escape the pain drinking can bring, but can’t think of any place to run to? Has drinking become your only refuge?
Or, are you here to discover other places of refuge? Some place other than a bottle in which to immerse yourself?
For most of us, this month will not be easy. And, yes, there will be times, in the first few days, when we think we’re not getting anywhere. We might stumble. That’s okay. As babies learning to walk, we stumbled lots, but we got right back up, didn’t we? You might fall. That’s okay, too. As a kid learning to ride a bike, I bet you fell, didn’t you? Of course you did. I’ll also bet you finally learned how to ride a bike, right? Because you didn’t give up. No matter how many skinned knees or how much road rash you suffered. Because you wanted to learn so bad. Because the reward was worth every bit of the pain.
It is our nature to persevere, then, triumph.  Drinking can too often persuade us to stay in the stumbling stage and on the ground when our hearts keep saying, “Fly!”
We could use this month to just concentrate on not stumbling and falling. By not drinking, we will avoid the hangovers, the fights with our spouse or significant other, the invariable tiredness that dogs our days, the irksome guilt trips, the bewildering feelings of shame that persist no matter how many times we tell ourselves we’re no worse than the next guy-no matter how many times the next guy tells us we’re not that bad, to quit making a big deal of our drinking…All that in itself could be reward enough. We could even hope by just accomplishing damage control, permanent change will come.  Our bodies and mind might heal enough. As might our relationships. We might even enter February with firm intentions to drink less.
But, why? Just to keep from falling again?
Is that all we want? To just walk through life? Not fall down too much?
Or, do we want more?
 Do we want to use this month to go in search of something to keep us sober on Friday night because we can’t wait for Saturday mornings all year long? Do we want to rediscover what it’s like to laugh so hard we beg for mercy-without being drunk? Do we want to see what joys the evening can bring without all the joy being sucked out of us the next morning?
So, back to that question, are you here because you need to be?
Or, are you here to learn to fly?
Submitted by Kary May

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Bigger Clothes

“As a child, my clothes were always tailored to be oversized, because I quickly outgrew them and then needed bigger ones. As an adult, I still don't cut my coat according to size” 
― Sola Kosoko

Okay, yeah, if I'm being truthful, and I'm all about truthfulness these days, I just bought yet another dress that is in a size that I haven't seen since Reagan was in office and I was still gobbling speeders like they were Tic-Tacs.

But, in regards to the bigger picture, the bigger me,  I still have some growing to do.

Tomorrow will be all about fresh starts and growing in better directions. You know that. I don't have to tell you. I also don't have to tell you that what you do today or tonight will weigh heavily on how you feel about yourself tomorrow. You already know that, too, and I doubt seriously if I have the depth of eloquence to convince you to change whatever plans you have made.  Besides, if you're planning on going out and really tying one on, I doubt that you're cruising the sober blogs in the hopes the power of the written word will be enough to convince you to drink moderately or not at all.

I only have one request of you.

Be safe tonight and live for tomorrow-not like there is no tomorrow.  Because I want you to grow into those bigger clothes you've got waiting for you.

Tomorrow, if you wake up and you know it's time for a break from drinking, time to find a more expansive and forgiving wardrobe, I am extending you an invitation to join with hundreds of others who will be taking the month of January off from drinking at  Go ahead and get registered, it won't hurt. Not near as bad as it hurt me to squeeze into that dress and look in the mirror.

Getting it back off was a whole new fresh kind of hell.

Happy and Safe New Year, One and All! 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Free Again Tomorrow!! 12/7/2016

Yep, I'm doing it again. My book will be offered for a free download tomorrow.

Here's the link:

Or hit on the pretty picture over there in the sidebar!

'Tis the season for giving and you gotta give sobriety away to keep it, so that's what I'm doing! I'm selfish that way.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Just In Time For Christmas! Best Christmas Present You'll Ever Give! Free Book-Tomorrow! 12/5!

(Ok, so I lied about not posting until Jan.)

If you're worried about sticking to your moderation or abs goals this Christmas season, or if you'd like to screw with your friends' heads-I've got the perfect Christmas gift and it's Free-Tomorrow! (Kind of like Free Beer at your favorite bar, except in this case, tomorrow finally comes)

In a special exclusive offer to my blogger friends and the rest of the world, Neighbor Kary May's Handbook To Happily Drinking Less, or Not Drinking At All-Quite Happily
wiil be available for a free download on December 5 and again on December 6, 2016 as my Christmas gift to you. Yes, that's it in living color and yet another link over on the sidebar.
For those who have already purchased my book, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and to remind you that you also have an opportunity to give during this Christmas season by giving to the recovery community of your choice. If you email me proof of your purchase of my book, I will donate half of my proceeds from your purchase back to that community. 
Merry Christmas! Love You All!

***Sorry!! Earlier title said book would be free today, 12/6, also, but it isn't!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

WTF??!!! My Own Blog Doesn't Remember Who I Am!

For some reason blogger doesn't want to let me comment on my own blog but it will let me post.

I am doing better. As Groundhog Girl said in her comment, "There is an ebb and flow." Well, the cap'n and I are flowing again, however, I can't help but worry about how long the flow will continue to run smoothly. Perhaps it is like quitting drinking, you try and try and try and then...finally...the try lasts.

I am going to give myself a vacation from the blog until the first of 2017, I have too much going on with my toy drive, the annual MM fundraiser, and the usual Christmas stuff,  but I'll  be back on Jan. 1 just as shiny as a Christmas ornament on a tree whose last needles are hanging on for dear life.  (Not sure what that analogy is supposed to mean, but I like it.)

Merry Christmas To Each And Every One! If sobriety is your greatest wish for Christmas, I hope your stocking ends up bulging to capacity and spilling over all over the place.