Thursday, July 13, 2017

Loving Loud


My middle son sent me a message yesterday afternoon saying, "I just want to let you and the "cap'n" to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate you." Now, this message would make most parents smile but my son suffers from untreated depression and me, being me, imagined the worse. I finally got him to call me back last night and he assured me he was just saying he loved me because too many times people leave it unsaid. That he's not going to do anything "stupid."

It's frustrating loving someone who won't help himself, to be able to see a way out of their darkness when they can't or won't. This kid has put himself through rehab three times so I know he's a fighter but he won't go see a dr. about his depression! 

So today I'm frustrated and wanting so much more for someone I love. But I'm sober and grateful I am no longer so wrapped up in my own demons that I can't spare the mental real estate that was being squatted on by my obsession with my drinking. My mental real estate is a free space where others are welcome and I can love as loud as I want. I'm grateful that when I asked, "Do you need me to come?" I knew I could. Right then, I could have grabbed my keys and jumped in the car and driven 6 hours to where he is. I'm grateful that I could listen, really listen  because I was really there.

How the Heck Are You?

3 comments:

  1. One of the true blessings of sobriety is knowing that I can be a reliable friend, partner and wife. Thanks for this Kary May. I hope you persuade your son to get some help. xxx

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  2. Hug. It's hard to see others suffer.
    Depression is scary. Keep calling him.
    Love to you
    Anne

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  3. I am sorry.
    I have a niece that suffers, and she won't get help.
    It's really hard.
    Much Love,
    Wendy

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