How The Heck Are You? 6/6/2017: Trying is Success

To put it bluntly, I'm exhausted. The last five days have proven how out of shape I am, embarrassingly. Maybe I need to rent a 5 year old for the rest of the summer. One more imperfection. 

When do we finally accept that we're never going to be perfect? Is there a point where we finally relax and give ourselves a wink when we don't toe the line.  Am I ever going to not think that eating a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast sounds more inviting than a banana? Is procrastinating ever going to be a thing of the past? Not likely.

But then again, if we totally accept ourselves as we are, do we then quit trying, quit striving?  What does life become then? A chocolate chip breakfast wait until tomorrow existence? I don't want that either.

So I guess what I need to learn to accept is that I'm always going to be enticed by perfection, even though I probably won't strive hard enough to reach it. At least I'll strive. I can't let my acknowledgment of my imperfections keep me from trying.

So I guess I've effectively talked myself out of that chocolate chip cookie this morning. Maybe tomorrow.

"I try therefore I succeed."

How the Heck Are You?

Corners

"A Step You Can't Take Back"

So you find yourself at this subway
With your world in a bag by your side
And all at once it seemed like a good way
You realize it's the end of the line
For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track
And there goes the pain, it cuts to black
Are you ready for the last act?
To take a step you can't take back?

Taken all the punches you could take
Took 'em all right on the chest
Now the camel's back is breaking
Again, again
For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track
And there goes the pain, it cuts to black
Are you ready for the last act?
To take a step you can't take back?

Did she love you?
Did she take you down?
Was she on her knees when she kissed your crown?
Tell me what you found

Here comes the rain, so hold your hat
And don't pray to God, 'cause He won't talk back
Are you ready for the last act?

To take a step you can't take back, back, back?

You can't take back, back, back.

So you find yourself at this subway
With your world in a bag by your side

I've been binge watching this one show since last night, actually I've been fast backing and re-watching one scene over and over mostly.  The movie, Begin Again, is on Netflix right now and it  stars Keira Knightly and Mark Ruffalo. Mark Ruffalo plays a washed up, pickled music producer who is ready to cash in his chips. He's lost his wife, his kid, his career...he's stumbles off a New York subway train right after some Bible thumper hands him a pamphlet and tells him to go have a talk with God. As the train starts to pull away, Mark Ruffalo's character tells the Bible thumper that he is indeed fixing to have a talk with God. I don't know if he'd really throw himself on the tracks, that would make for a really short movie, but right then there is an announcement over the subway system intercom that the next train has been delayed due to maintenance  problems. Ruffalo tips his fifth of whatever up and lo and behold it's empty. The guy just can't catch a break. He stumbles up the subway steps and into a bar. There on the stage is Kiera Knightly, a songwriter who has suffered her own downturn of luck singing the above song.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign?

The rest of the movie is about redemption and survival and finding that redemption and survival in what brings you joy. But the part I play over and over is Mark Ruffalo listening to that song, when he starts to imagine the instruments playing behind it and the arrangement in his head. The look of pure salvation and relief that sweeps over his features brings tears to my eyes.

As we say, you never know which corner your salvation is around, it could be a couple of miles up the road. Or it could be the one you're getting ready to turn.

Watch the movie.