Day 1 Again

I'm not overly fond of Day 1's, I had way too many of them, and I don't remember any of them as being enjoyable. All I remember is feeling defeated, ashamed, hopeless, lost, powerless-need I go on?
Oh maybe way back somewhere, I saw my Day 1 as a show of strength and full of promise, but that was before I knew how strong the pull of booze is, how many times it would defeat me.

Sometimes, many times in fact, I think the term, "Day 1" should be stricken from the vocabulary of us that are in recovery. Regardless of what "Day 1" proclaims, we never go back to the beginning, we don't erase every step we've taken or every lesson we've learned. I would much rather hear someone proclaim, "I stepped back on the path today" or "I'm back on my way to where I'm supposed to go."

But the use of "Day 1" perseveres. And you know what, may be it should. All of us that are not drinking today, even if we didn't drink yesterday, even if we didn't drink last year, are on "Day 1" again all over again. We join every person who is making the decision not to drink today, whether it be the first time they've made this decision, whether it is the 10,003rd day they've made this decision. Like those early "Day 1's" this day is full of promise and renewal. We are not alone, no matter where we are on this path. We are trodding through this Day 1 together.  We are all stepping back on the path. Again.

Proudly!

However, I understand if you have a hard time letting go of those hard feelings you have against "Day 1's" and I understand that you are not yet proud of the fact that you continue to persevere. You will look back someday and be very proud of how many times you had the indomitable spirit to get back on this path as many times as you needed to-I guarantee it.

But for now, I know you want to be done with your familiar, soul-sucking "Day 1's" and that's why I want to tell you about a gift from my amiga/sistah Jackie aka The Wine Bitch over at Sober Sassy Life. Jackie has created a Master class, "Ditch The Day Ones!" to help you discover how to never "suffer" through a Day 1 again. To find the link to this lesson, head on over to her recent blog,  "The Great Business De-Clutter" and scroll down to the bottom of the page and you'll see the Free Download.  

You're welcome.

Happy Day 1 Everyone!

Corners

"A Step You Can't Take Back"

So you find yourself at this subway
With your world in a bag by your side
And all at once it seemed like a good way
You realize it's the end of the line
For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track
And there goes the pain, it cuts to black
Are you ready for the last act?
To take a step you can't take back?

Taken all the punches you could take
Took 'em all right on the chest
Now the camel's back is breaking
Again, again
For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track
And there goes the pain, it cuts to black
Are you ready for the last act?
To take a step you can't take back?

Did she love you?
Did she take you down?
Was she on her knees when she kissed your crown?
Tell me what you found

Here comes the rain, so hold your hat
And don't pray to God, 'cause He won't talk back
Are you ready for the last act?

To take a step you can't take back, back, back?

You can't take back, back, back.

So you find yourself at this subway
With your world in a bag by your side

I've been binge watching this one show since last night, actually I've been fast backing and re-watching one scene over and over mostly.  The movie, Begin Again, is on Netflix right now and it  stars Keira Knightly and Mark Ruffalo. Mark Ruffalo plays a washed up, pickled music producer who is ready to cash in his chips. He's lost his wife, his kid, his career...he's stumbles off a New York subway train right after some Bible thumper hands him a pamphlet and tells him to go have a talk with God. As the train starts to pull away, Mark Ruffalo's character tells the Bible thumper that he is indeed fixing to have a talk with God. I don't know if he'd really throw himself on the tracks, that would make for a really short movie, but right then there is an announcement over the subway system intercom that the next train has been delayed due to maintenance  problems. Ruffalo tips his fifth of whatever up and lo and behold it's empty. The guy just can't catch a break. He stumbles up the subway steps and into a bar. There on the stage is Kiera Knightly, a songwriter who has suffered her own downturn of luck singing the above song.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign?

The rest of the movie is about redemption and survival and finding that redemption and survival in what brings you joy. But the part I play over and over is Mark Ruffalo listening to that song, when he starts to imagine the instruments playing behind it and the arrangement in his head. The look of pure salvation and relief that sweeps over his features brings tears to my eyes.

As we say, you never know which corner your salvation is around, it could be a couple of miles up the road. Or it could be the one you're getting ready to turn.

Watch the movie.