A restful night's sleep.
An early morning walk up a mist shrouded mountain.
A hot cup of tea on my sunny deck while I watched the morning battle at the bird feeders.
These simple pleasures are my reward for not drinking for the last 3 days. Not monumental but still miraculous.
For once in life, here's your miracle,
Stand up and fight.
That was the song that popped into my head as I was walking up my mountain this morning. As you know, I don't believe that random thoughts that pop into my head are accidents. I think they are my Co-writer talking to me.
"Cautious Optimism" is what popped into my head when I shut up long enough to listen as I had my nightly conversation with him last night. May was a difficult month for me. Although I abstained half of the month, the rest of the month was the shits. But while I was still back in MX I found my journal from last May (When I die and my kids or grandkids find all these journals and scribbled notebook pages tucked everywhere they are going to think I was really wacko but at least they'll know I was trying.). Last Mother's Day I had written in the journal that my goal for this Mother's Day was that my relationship with my boys would be closer. My son who struggles with his own demons didn't call last year. The next day his excuse was that he was in jail. I guess he thought that would make me feel better. This year I got a card from him thanking me for always being there for him. I think my relationship with my other two is getting closer also. So I guess things have improved. So far I have abstained all of June (3 whole days) and I'm approaching June with "Cautious Optimism" and a quiet hope.
Another thing that my Co-writer explained to me last night is that while he may reward me when I am trying my hardest and not drinking, he doesn't punish me when I fall. The repercussions I suffer from my drinking are my own self-inflicted punishments.
So today I'm out there trying not to be carelessly optimistic but also not to be stiflingly cautious either.
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