Friday, June 24, 2011

God Don't Make No Junk

I give praise because I am wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

This was the responsorial psalm this morning at mass. The actual full psalm is “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I’m glad that they left the “fearful” out this morning, I’m tired of being fearful. I want to be brave and sure. I want to be confident that I’m doing the right thing because it makes everybody’s life better, mine included, not because I’m afraid of the consequences.

Yes, I went back to mass this morning. Why? I wanted to. There have been few times in my life that I attended mass because I wanted to. I’ve gone out of obligation. I’ve gone because my parents made me. I’ve gone because I needed to for my kids. I’ve gone because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t go. This morning when I thought about going I got a pang of that old nostalgic guilt. I started thinking, I really should go. This after attending one weekday mass. Wow, that Catholic guilt is powerful stuff. It may be in remission but it ain’t gone. Then I thought, I don’t have to go. If I’d rather take a walk, that is fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I’m not a bad or weak person. God isn’t going to punish me. If I want to go to mass, then that’s okay, too. It’s my will. So I went because I want to see what I can willingly learn. I want to see how I can willingly grow.

Why am I trying to moderate or give up my drinking? The same holds true. I want to. I’ve tried before because other people thought I should. I’ve tried before because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t. Now I am trying because I want to. Alcohol stole my will. Now I am willing, eager even, to discover what my life can be without it. I am willing to discover how wonderfully made I am. People already tell me quite often that I’m a piece of work. LOL

So today I out there doing my best to just be my most wonderful self and damn the consequences

1 comment:

  1. I'm walking through all of your blog posts. Holy Crap!!! 2010/2011 was a sober revolution!!! Seriously - GETTING sober was cool then. Now you are all sober but those of us just starting are reading 5-9 year old blogs about the first year. They still work!