TGIF, I guess. Fridays are hard for me. Before I was drinking every day, Friday was the day I lived for all of the working week and now I feel a little melancholy as I watch people in the grocery stores or pulling up to the liquor stores as they gear up for the weekend. No more flasks of bourbon in the inside pocket of my jacket to keep me warm while I freeze my ass off watching the Friday night high school football game. No more cold beer with Mexican food for Saturday lunch. No more drinking at a friend’s house on Saturday night. No more bottle of Ballatori with my Sunday Brunch. Oh well, the no more hangovers makes it worth it. Did I really wonder where the weekend went back then?
It’s 11:42 am and I’m already wondering where my morning went. I got up, turned on the computer, and checked the message boards. I got dressed, slapped some make-up on, curled my hair and took the cap’n to work. Then I headed for the riverwalk and walked until it was time to head to church. I went to mass and stayed after to light a candle and say a prayer for a mmlist friend that was in need this morning, then off to Albertsons to pick up a few items and of course I forgot something and had to go back through check out. I headed home, unloaded the car, cleaned the house turned on the computer and checked the message boards again. I sent a couple of pm’s and responded to a couple of posts. And now it’s 11:48 and the morning is gone and I have accomplished nothing of noteworthiness. I don’t know how you guys that work do it. I don’t remember how I used to do it.
I keep telling myself that I spend too much time on the message boards or that I need to drop one or two of them. I’m on three of them, MMlist, mmabser’s and Women for sobriety. And I’ve made a note to check out SMART today. Something has got to go but here’s the thing, I just counted out how many days I have abstained since June 1st (I didn’t keep track before then) and there’s 112 of them. 112 days out of 128 days and I owe every one of those days to the various lists. Yeah sure, I can take some of the credit but in all of those years I was on this journey by myself I couldn’t rack up 112 days of abs in five years. Every time I think I’m going to cut down on my time spent on them, every time I think I’ll just take a peek but I won’t stay long, there is a lesson waiting there for me or there is someone that needs a friend to listen. Because it’s not all about “taking” on the boards. Those 112 days and this newer happier stronger me isn’t just because I received so much support and wisdom and help from those boards, it’s because I gave of myself, too. It wasn’t just because when I asked for prayers as my friend did this morning, I got them, it was because I gave them too.
You can call it karma, or paying it forward, or magic, whatever you call it, it works. So if you’re lurking and afraid to chime in with advice or just a “Yeah, I’ve been there too and it’s utter hell” your only getting half of the benefits. Jump in, we need to hear what you have to say. BTW I love comments here, too.
Hey, I’ve finally figured out which one has to go…the housework.
So today I’m just out there doing my best to make time and waiting for what goes around to come around.
Have a great weekend!