Again.
I find myself sitting and wondering what I can do, what can anyone do.
Nothing.
I can't do anything to change the hate that seems to be overrunning the world.
All I can change is myself.
I can love more deeply, more thoroughly and more openly.
I can be less judgmental.
I can be more forgiving.
I can say only good things, positive things, hopeful things.
I can work steadfastly at doing all this and removing whatever barriers hinder me.
I made a giant step forward when I decided to quit drinking five years ago, and I know, without a doubt, that if I hadn't done that I would be sitting here today hungover, unable to love myself as deeply as I know I can, unable to quit putting myself down as weak and hopeless, unable to forgive myself. I wouldn't be able to summon one good, positive or hopeful thing to say about myself and my world today. I would be so wrapped up in my own pain and the futility of my own struggle that I couldn't fully feel others' pain. Or care enough to do anything. But drink more.
Thank God, that has changed. Thank God I did as my friend, Jackie, over at Sassy Sober Living talks about and got out of the f'ing box that alcohol put me and my life in.
Now, even in the midst of the darkest times, I have hope that I can make my world better.
It's what I can do.
Love this. I didn't realize you have give years sober. Seems like such a long time to a newbie like me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading sober blogs about 10 years ago, I didn't think it was possible that someday I'd be an oldie. LOL
ReplyDeleteI agree.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe we are all interconnected. All one.
When I make the effort to improve my life, I improve the world.
Small actions add up.
Hugs and love
Anne
I agree Anne, I'm sure you're feeling a lot of frustration these days with your situation, so much you can do nothing about-but you can change how you're feeling, how you're handling it and that has to have a positive effect on those around you, Like ripples on a pond. When we used to just drink our frustration away, nothing changed. We just mixed the world's misery in with ours and used our futility as an excuse to drink more.
DeleteThe Germans have a great word "weltsmerz" I think that's how you spell it, and it means world sadness or world pain. Different from depression or sadness with ones own life. It refers to the sadness when we look around and see so much hardship, sadness, disaster in the world and we take on the pain but feel powerless to change it. You guys have it exactly right, by being the best ME I can be it will ripple out into the world. It is so easy to let this overwhelm you especially when the news thrives on scaring the heeby jeebies out of us 24/7. staying grounded is the only way to remain sane but still compassionate.
ReplyDelete5 years?! Wow! I remember when you decided to become sober, thinking to myself, "ya, I'm ready too. I'll join her". Sadly, I let myself struggle for 5 more years before I decided drinking was too much work. So proud of you! Love your blog. I'm day 41. I must have been ready for sobriety because this couldn't have been easier for me. Love every day...even a bad day is better than my best drunk day. Oh, and I'm waiting for your book!
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer it "the right time" as hard as it is, there is a lot of lessons we have to learn and re-learn before we can be happy in sobriety. I'm glad you're time is here, Brian.
ReplyDeleteI wish that I knew that a leopard can change it's stripes early in my soberiety. I spent all my time wallowing in self pity, dwelling on the things that led me to become the person I was. Boy was I wrong.
ReplyDelete