Monday, October 15, 2012
One Step In Front Of The Other
From the book: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Controlling Versus Trust: October 14
There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control.
Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of hopelessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.
We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.
We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting--ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.
We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want, God has something better planned.
We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right..
We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.
We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.
We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today's supplies today, and tomorrow's supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.
Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.
The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.
Trust, my friend, in today.
Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.
Okay, it's me Kary back at the helm. Two years ago the reading above would have been so much bullshit to me, it would have been overwhelmingly overwhelming and depressing for me to read, I was so far from being able to grasp even a particle of control, much less try to take control over anything.
There is a hallway in my cabin, it is about 25 feet long. In the height of my multi-hangover/withdrawals it was all I could do to get up and walk down that hallway and back to the couch. Believe me, just making it through the day was overwhelming to me.
I am never going back there. I am not going to turn around.
I am on this path, and I may not be able to see what is around the bend in front of me, but it is enough for me to know that I'm on the right path.