Trepidatious

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.


And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.



- Howard Zinn



Day 51   I completely skipped over Day 50. Who da thunk it?

Last year about this time, I was in the middle of my first attempt at a 30 day abs and I was feeling trepidatious (I'm pretty sure that's not a word but it working for me this morning). I had entered the 30 day abs with trepidation because I knew I had a trip to MX planned smack dab in the middle of it, but there was another newcomer to the MM forum that asked me to buddy up with him so I did. I did great until the night before the trip when I thought I could have a couple in the hotel. Uh-uh! It was a fast downward slide and the trip will forever be remembered as the "Trip to Hell" To Hell and Back.
So here I find myself with 50 days of abs under my belt and another trip to MX on the horizon in about a week. I was feeling really great about it. Strong enough. Then I was fb'ing with one of my gal pals down there last night. She was plastered. She warned me she was but I would have been able to tell anyway especially after I told her we would be down there Thursday and she said, "Great! What day is that?" She and her husband had just had another couple that are mutual friends over for dinner. The last time I had dinner at their house, her husband had to drive me home. That's okay because about a month later she and her husband were expected over at our house for dinner. The cap'n and I spent two days cleaning and cooking. The time of their expected arrival arrived and no sign of them but that's okay TIM (This Is Mexico). We waited another hour and there was still no sign of them so we called them. Her husband answered the phone and the cap'n asked, very casually what they were up to.

"Just cooking dinner for some friends of ours," her husband replied.

"That's funny," the cap'n replied. "That's exactly what we're doing…cooking dinner for you guys."

"JUDY!" I could hear him yell as the cap'n held the phone away from his ear.

Judy (not her real name) had forgot. You see we had come up with the plan while fb'ing one late night when both of us were sloshed. By some miracle I had remembered. I signed off last night with the promise we would meet them at Las Dunas, a local watering hole, on Friday, Sept. 9, 2011 and told her to write it down. She is still apologizing to me.

Do you understand why I'm trepidatious? I don't think I'll drink. No, I know I won't drink. I've got too much to do. A fundraising rummage sale that I'm in charge of, fundraising Bingo that I'm helping out with, a brunch for a few of my close friends that has expanded to their close friends. I thought I was too busy last year to waste time getting drunk too. I wasn't.

I am indeed trepidatious. Not just about the drinking, but about the not drinking. I'm actually not telling any of my friends that I'm not drinking because I don't want to be excluded from any fun drinking bashes they might have. I don't want to be blackballed. What kind of f'ed up thinking is that? What kind of friends do I have? I hate to say it but I'm guilty of doing the same thing to friends that stopped drinking. My friends will figure it out, they've seen me abstain before but they know that I've always eventually cratered and they'll be counting on that.

I have a secret weapon, though. I just read a really sad story about a girl that wanted something so bad but she just kept failing. She was so humiliated but she refused to give up. I'm going to carry it around in my pocket and pull it out anytime I get the urge to drink. I posted the link to it in the first paragraph. I think it needs a new ending.

So today I out there doing my best to find refreshing recipes for success and non-alcoholic beverages to serve at my brunch and reinforcing those lifelines for my friends in the Abacos. They could use some extra lines if you've got any you can spare.

P.S.  That is the "Hope Town", Elbow Cay, Abacos, Bahamas lighthouse above.  I just received a report from a friend at 1400 and it's blowing 100 knots.