It's been a very rough month. I won't detail every humiliating experience but let's just say one required me being dragged by the cap'n and a relative stranger out of a bar, into the car, and then up the steps of our casa. I have the bruises to remind me. I think God is trying to teach me a lesson in humility and compassion. You see, I've always comforted myself that whatever my faults, I am a kind person. I've never purposely done any act to hurt someone. I guess that's not good enough. I guess I have to think kind and humble thoughts too. I've always had an air of superiority. Always nodded knowingly when someone begged off from an engagement with an excuse that I figured was just a cover for a hangover or drunk. Always been able to raise my eyebrows at the drunken foibles of others. Always been able to blame the deficiencies in my life on someone else. Always been able to say, "Hey, at least I'm not as bad as so-and-so." All that has been taken away from me because now I'm the one that makes excuses, I'm the one that people point at when they reassure themselves that they are not that bad. I'm the one to blame for what is missing in my life. It's time to accept that. It's time to redeem myself, although I know that the memories of past actions are never completely erased from other people's mind. It's time to start making this a success story. Is this rock bottom? I pray it is.
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