Yesterday was an icky day. Not good. Not bad. Not fun. When you are in the bondage of drunkenness and hangovers sobriety seems like some kind of utopia, always shiny and bright. I'm here to tell you it aint so. Sometimes it's icky and dirty and stinky and worst of all boring. And you can't even have a drink to pretty it up. It's kind of like a really bad date that never ends.
"Yesterday:"( bellying up to the bar) "I don't think I've seen you around here before."
Me: "Oh, you've probably seen me you just don't recognize me. You probably saw me when I was smiling or laughing uproariously and loudly. I might even have had booze shooting out my nostrils I was laughing so hard."
Yesterday: "Oh yeah! I remember you. Aren't you the one that always got everybody out on the floor dancing?"
Me: " That was me! Remember when I used to talk all the girls into getting up on the bar and dancing?"
Yesterday: " I do. Remember that one Super Bowl when you and the gang climbed up on the bar and mooned everybody?"
Me: "Yeah, I remember that. But I was too drunk to get up on the bar so I just lifted up my shirt and showed my tits."
Yesterday: "Ah yes. The Sag Sisters, Flopsy and Droopsy. How could I forget?" You were sure proud of those two."
Me, sighing and nodding: " Good times. I did use to have fun, didn't I?"
The door of the bar swings open and someone walks in.
Me: "Oh shit! Don't look!" (I put up my hand to shield my face)
Yesterday: "Who is it?"
Me, whispering: "It's Tomorrow. She's a bitch."
Yesterday: "She looks nice enough. Kind of shiny and bright."
Me: "You don't know her like I do. She makes me sick."
Yesterday: "Well, don't look now but she's coming our way."
There's a tap on my shoulder. I cringe
Tomorrow(chirping annoyingly): "You can't hide from me. I found you."
I spun around on my barstool.
Me: "Wow! Tomorrow, you look different! Did you cut your hair? Lose weight? I barely recognize you."
Tomorrow: "Thanks. Hey, you want to get together sometime and do something besides moan and puke for a change? I can be really nice if you'll let me."