― Portia de Rossi
― Aberjhani, Visions of a Skylark Dressed in Black
I first noticed it when the phone would ring. My mind kept looking for a reason not to answer it, there was none. I kept waiting for a feeling of dread to creep over me. There was none of that either.
Sure, I still have things I want to do. But I'm no longer afraid that I'm unable to do them, or at least try my damnedest to get 'em done. The biggest thing on my To-Do list this year is to bring my middle son back into the core of our family, he's drifting away and I've got to do this before he gets out of reach. I know it's not all up to me, but I'm strong enough now to stand up for him, to him, and, hopefully, with him.
And I have the reassurance that I will.
It's an incredible lightness of being. Indescribable. Really.
P.S. And now a few words about the not so incredible lightness of my physical being. I've stuck pretty well to the Atkins diet and the sugar cravings have abated. However...I am not following the no artificial sweeteners rule. Gotta put that on the list for later on, after I conquer the caffeine withdrawals, which I'm doing pretty well with. I'm down to about two caffeine drinks a day, I was drinking Diet Pepsi con caffeine from the time I got up in the morning until I went to bed at night. Now I've switched to the decaf version until I feel that bitch of a headache coming on, then I'll let myself have some caffeine and it goes away. BTW, if you're not avoiding artificial sweeteners, the Atkins have a whole line of new frozen meals and snack and breakfast bars that are really, really good. Just don't eat too much of them because the sugar alcohols will give you the shits big time. (Anybody counting how many times I've used the word shit in this blog, I think I might get an award or something.) Also, Braums still has their wonderful Carb Smart Ice Cream. (I'm such a Cheatah!) which will also give you the shits. But it's worth it. No scales here, but I do feel a whole shitload lighter.
And now a few words about getting physically stronger. The hotel we're staying at has a workout room and I got on the elliptical machine the other evening. OMG! That thing is diabolical. Don't laugh, but I was only able to do 2 minutes on it and I thought my heart was going to burst. I think there's something wrong with their machine though, I have it on the lowest setting and it creaks and groans the whole time. Oh wait, that was me. LOL