Friday, January 18, 2013

Getting The Answers We Want...Or Do We?

So as you know, I've been filling out job applications for nurse staffing agencies.  Just a quick primer on nurse staffing agencies for those not in the biz, as an experienced nurse you can apply to several agencies and they will submit you for temporary jobs, usually 13 week assignments, and if you are hired all housing is paid, most of the income is non-taxable because you have to travel more than 50 miles or so to complete the assignment, you are paid a stipend.....In a nutshell, you can make a lot of money, for a nurse, or at least a lot more money than you make working for a hospital and you don't have to work full-time.

So....while I'd much rather sit on my ass, as I have been doing for the last umpteen years and leech off the cap'n, there are drawbacks to that, which I have addressed in this blog before.  Lack of independence, lack of self-worth, lack of sufficient funds to spoil grandkids with....

So....the perfect job came along. Forty miles away from my hometown where I worked this summer, small hospital, since I don't really want to be challenged at this stage or age, and I've actually worked there before, eons ago.  Close to two kids, close to one grandson, close to friends...  And one of my friends has a daughter that has an apartment she wants to sublease in this community. Cheap. 

 So perfect!

But...there's always a but.

There are things I still want to do down here in Mexico this year, more travel, more time with friends, more fundraisers for next year's Chelem Christmas.  All very self-serving endeavors, well, except for the toy drive.  And I am willing to sacrifice them, begrudgingly.

Except....there's always a few of those too.  There is one thing I am doing that I am not ready to talk about yet.  I've always wanted to do it. I've always felt that I was meant to do it.  I've attempted it several times.  But I've never accomplished it.  It feels like it is time.  It feels like something my Co-writer wants me to do.  I've been doing it in these last few weeks since Christmas and I can't even begin to explain the difference in this attempt.  The rightness.  The times that I have been absolutely been blown away by it.

I could probably still do it and take one of these temporary jobs, but would I?

So....Yesterday I had a talk with my Co-writer and said, "For once could you give me a straight forward answer?  None of these ambivalent, wishy-washy answers that I have to try and figure out what it is that you want me to do.  If you want me to take this job instead of dedicating the next few months to this thing "we've" been doing, just check the box.  Yes, or No.

So....I had a phone interview with the director of the OR of this hospital yesterday and I hung up feeling confident.

But....I didn't get the job.  She told the recruiter that she was concerned about my seemed inexperience in endoscopy (colonscopes and gastroscopes).  Now there are other areas of surgery (hearts and heads), I might have understood this but I can say with out batting an eye that I have probably done 999,000 endoscopes in my career.  What is she looking for? A nice round million?

So....I got my answer.

Didn't I?

So why am I scurrying around this morning, all hurt pride and shit, filling out more applications, sending more emails to more agencies?

Why am I afraid of the answer?

Please feel free to opine.


  1. Any rejection is a blow to the confidence, sounds like she just thought up some reason to say without really concentrating.. in all honesty it wasn't probably anything about you but that there was another applicant who was better in some way. Who knows? In ten years time you probably won't care that you didn't get this particular job... (that's always my measure of 'how big is this?' .. the ten year test) but for now I understand that you're pissed. This other mystery things sounds fabulous though! So focus your positive energies on that and find another nursing job to fit around it. Chin up my friend. You are an amazingly awesome brave honest foxy fabulous woman! And you are on the best path you could possibly be on... job schmob...

    1. It's funny. When I picked up the phone, I was more scared that the recruiter was going to say I got the job, then I was of him saying I didn't get the job. My fingers were crossed, but I'm not sure why? The thing is, the reason I'm pursuing employment is because I think I should, not because I want to. Or is that just my old pals, fear and self-doubt, rearing their heads?

      Oh well, I know from experience that when something like this happens, there is something better waiting for me. I just have to wait to see what it is.

      I can do that.

  2. I have a feeling I know what the mystery thing is and if I'm right...then yes, you can do it and work part time as well. And yes, I think you will because I think you must.

    That said...God just sent you a brick upside the head! One you asked for by the way! So throw yourself a little pity party because the the woman turned you down (she's still trying to figure out why by the way...God does not work in mysterious ways) then lick your wounds and get to gettin'!

    Just my opinion...feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up.

    Love you!


    1. Roll baby, you got your answer!!

      I suspect you rarely, if ever, do not get the job offer. I am the same way. So, when someone says, "sorry, I went with someone else", it can be a slap across the face. Let go of your ego and thank God for a clear answer to your delemma.

      then go key her car

      I'M SO KIDDING, LOL, on with plan B now!!

    2. No, you weren't! lol I did get my answer and I'm going for it. In my head I'm rolling a video of George Micheal twitchin' his blue jean clad ass, "You gotta have faitha, faitha, faith."

    3. Sherry,
      Why would I tell you to shut the "F" up when you're saying exactly what I need and want to hear. It's such a gift to me to be able to share my sometimes "way out there" beliefs in how God works in my life and have someone that gets it.
      Thank you, dear.

  3. When she said it it was probably in slow motion and she was thinking "what the hell am i saying". But you know what they say about God, and plans. And making them. :) Embrace it mama!

    1. Or else she scrolled through my old facebook pics and found those old drunk pics. Oh well. Note to self, change security settings on fb when applying for jobs.

      I'm giving it a big old bear hug and secretly breathing a sigh of relief.

  4. I don't think that sign from your Co-writer could have been any more friggen clear than that. How very cool!

    Rock on with your STRONGER self and know you've obviously got someone up above in your corner and setting you up for success.

    I love getting little signs and affirmations like that!

  5. Write the book! Just write it! :)

  6. I'm such a freaking open book. Yeah, it's a book, like I haven't made that pronouncement on here a half a dozen times. Like the cap'n says, "Why don't you finish writing the half dozen you've already started."
    It's different this time. I've been given this incredible story. I think. There I go with the self-doubt again.

    Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my recruiter doesn't call and say the hospital has changed their mind.

    Love you guys.