Whaddayado?

Well, it finally happened, it took 307 days, 19 hours and so many minutes of sobriety but someone finally told me that they didn't think I was that "bad" and that they didn't understand why I had quit drinking.  It was my best friend, of course it was her, I could always count on her to tell me that.  Good thing I haven't seen her much in the last 307 days.

She was drunk when she called, I could tell when I answered the phone.  I had just finished eating dinner with my oldest son and was about to shoo him out the door so I could spend the rest of the evening determinedly finishing one of the half dozen books I've started haphazardly reading, when the phone rang.

I'll give you a synopsis of conversations that went on, including the ones in my head.

She said, "Hey, what are you doing?  I thought I'd stop by."

I said, "Sure, come on over."

In my head I said, "Shit! There goes my book.  How is she going to stop by, she doesn't have a car?  She's obviously been drinking, maybe she meant I was supposed to go by and get her.  She shouldn't be driving anyway."

I call her back but her son said she had already left.  She had borrowed a friend's car.

Knock! Knock!

 I call, "I'm in the backyard, come on back."

She comes out the backdoor carrying a plastic bag of beer.

She says, "I bought my own beer, since you don't drink anymore."

THEN SHE OFFERS ME ONE!!

In my head I said, "What kind of friend is this?"

I said, "No, thanks."

She said, "Oh yeah, right.  So you just stopped all of a sudden?"

In my head I said, "Jesus, how many conversations have you and I had over the course of 30 years about trying to control our drinking?"

I said, "No, I tried to seriously moderate for a year and decided that I couldn't do it so I needed to quit."

She said, "I just never thought you were that bad."

In my head I said, "Yeah, because if you admitted that I was that bad, you'd have to admit you are that bad, too."

I said, "I just got tired of feeling terrible all the time and the hangovers were evil."

She said, "I never get hangovers."

In my mind I said, "Bullshit!"

I said, "Really? You never get hangovers?"

She said, "Well, I can't remember the last time I got drunk actually."

In my head I said, "You're drunk on your ass right now."

I said nothing.

She said, "I don't drink everyday."

In my head I said, "Yes, you do."

I said, "It doesn't matter if you drink every day, what matters is if you can quit drinking once you start."

 She ignored that and said, "I'm just so glad you don't judge other people who drink."

In my head I said, "Oh yes, I do.  I'm judging you right now and I have no right to.  I was you."

So the rest of the night was spent listening to all of her woes, of which she genuinely has a multitude, most of which could be laid at the doorstep of her drinking and me wanting to bean her up the side her head with one of her beer cans and say, "Get Real and quit lying to yourself."

I finally shooed her off so I could get a shower before bed and then beat myself up for letting her drive home just because I didn't want to seem like I was "judging" her (I won't let that happen again).

And today, the girl that never has a hangover called in sick to work.

I received a comment today on a blog I wrote months ago, I didn't really understand most of what it said but a couple of things stood out to me since they seemed timely in relation to my conversation with my friend last night.  One statement was that self-righteousness is as toxic as offering an alcoholic a drink.  I get that, which is why most of my self-righteousness was kept in my head and I tried to preface all of my comments to my friend last night with, "When I drank, this happened to me" instead of making sweeping generalizations.  Another quote the commenter quoted was "Good Teachers don't abandon their pupil, not on purpose." Well, I've never claimed to be anyone's teacher, hell, I've got too much to learn, myself.  But I don't like to see my friend in pain, even if it is infuriating to me that she will not take any responsibility, and I'd like to help her and I don't think sitting there accepting the bullshit she is feeding herself in big heaping smelly shovelfuls and nodding agreeably like an idiot is one bit of help.

So Whaddayado?