"Heirloom" is knitting code for "This pattern is so difficult that you would consider death a relief. ~Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, At Knit's End: Meditations for Women Who Knit Too Much
We made it to another Happy “Act Like I’m Not A Drunk” Saturday, I hope everybody is hangover free this morning and if you’re not, have a Bloody Mary for me. Okay, I know that is not politically correct on this show to say nice things about drinking but I do love a spicy Bloody Mary, it’s just one more thing that will live on in fond memory only. I figure sex will be like that someday, just a fond spicy memory that still makes my mouth water. I know I could fix me a virgin one but I’m really not that fond of tomato juice unless it has healthy slug of vodka in it. “Nuff of that! No more talk about drinking.
My daughter-in-law is having her baby shower this morning and I mailed my present for my first granddaughter earlier this week. They still haven’t picked a name yet, it was going to be Abigail, which I loved, but now they are considering Kelsy which I am ambivalent about but it beats the hell out of Jezebel which, while not seriously considered I hope, my daughter professed a liking for early in her pregnancy. Anyway I sent the baby the cutest baby blanket, kimono-sweater, and cap that I knitted and crocheted. I meant to take a picture and post it on here but I forgot until I had it sealed up in the package. While some people are fierce in their loyalty to either knitting or crocheting and never the ‘tween shall meet, I sling my yarn both ways. Despite what other needlework devotees profess, I don’t find either one particularly relaxing. It’s probably my own fault because, just like in other areas of my life, I tend to think I’m much more skilled than I am so I tend to gravitate toward patterns that are way out of my league and I have to learn as I screw up. (Thank the heavens for the internet and Knit Witch youtube videos.) So instead of choosing a simple relaxing repetitive pattern like the popcorn stitch in the baby blanket I just finished, I will choose an expert level cable pattern that uses every letter in the alphabet in its abbreviated instructions i.e. (sskp2k4jwzlmnop) 3 then reverse. It sounds like a sobriety test for drunk knitters (my hand is raised in the past tense). I dare you to make a video of that stitch, Knit Witch (I will discontinue the rhyme at this point to maintain my “content suitable for immature viewers” rating). I will attempt this expert level project in the fervent hopes that the beneficiary of all my, devoted, finger numbing, carpal tunnel causing, hard work will gaze in stupored awe at my masterpiece for at least one minute before they toss it into the yawning abyss where all my creations seem to disappear, never to be seen again.
Here are just a few other things I find “not” relaxing about needlework:
1. I can still see to knit or crochet without my glasses but I can’t see the TV without them, so it’s more like K1 P2, Glasses on, Glasses off, repeat.
2. The yarn always runs out when I have made it 7/8 ‘s of the way down the row.
3. Too many stitches left at the end of the row.
4. Too few stitches left at the end of the row.
5. People that decide to have a conversation with me when I am counting my stitches.
6. A big fuzzy knot the manufacturer has put in the middle of a skein that always shows up when I’m in the middle of a row. I think they do it on purpose.
7. Running out of yarn with 3 rows to go. Also done on purpose so you will buy more yarn.
8. Finding hand-knit items in the Goodwill store.
9. Finding things I have spent months knitting wadded up in the corner of a closet. This is a sad true story, but hey, at least they still have it.
10. Always having the size of needles called for, in some other place, some other town, some other state or some other country.
11. Never being able to find the exact yarn that is recommended and buy what I think might be an adequate substitute only to find out halfway through that the baby booties I am knitting would fit Shaquille O’Neal.
12. Here’s one that doesn’t happen anymore. Waking up and finding out I have to rip out everything I knitted the night before because I was drunk.
There’s many more but that’s all I have time for this morning. I’m in the middle of crocheting some Christmas ornaments and I can’t decide if they are incredibly cute or incredibly ugly (kind of like my fourth child) and whether I should be embarrassed or proud when I give them away. It probably doesn’t matter, I’ll never see them again. Lol
I guess we’ll have to suffer through Nancy’s sausages for one more week on DWTS, that’s okay just as long as JR wins.
Speaking of sausages…Here’s a recipe that I used to fix every Christmas morning but I haven’t fixed it in years. I tried to google it but I couldn’t find it so this is how I remember it. Fix it at your own risk. Let me know how it turns out.
Sausage and Stuffing Breakfast Casserole
1 lb Jimmy Dean Sausage (whatever your favorite flavor is).
1 package of Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix
1 dozen eggs
4 cups of milk
1 lb cheddar cheese, shredded or grated.
S&P to taste but I usually think the dressing and sausage add enough seasoning to the casserole without adding S&P
Preheat oven to 325 F
Grease 9x13” baking dish
Brown sausage.
Spread stuffing mix on bottom of baking dish
Spread sausage on top of stuffing.
Combine eggs and milk and pour over sausage and stuffing.
Top with cheese.
Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.
Bake for 45 minutes.
Have a great weekend!
Love how you have the temerity to joke about alcoholism - it is good to have a sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteBeing sober shouldn't be a grim penance for all those delightfully glorious days of afternoon drinking and just talking utter bullshit with friends.
And I share your grief at loss and wondering what next you will lose...