Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A Gift To Myself

Today I posted on one of the message boards that I am going to do a 100 day abs and a member responded, "What a nice gift you are giving to yourself." That's how I'm going to think of this. As a wonderful gift.

I know you're thinking, " Wait a minute! You haven't even managed to pull a 30 day abs. Why in the world do you think you can handle a 100?" And my answer would be, " I don't know. It just feels right." I feel like I've been practicing up for this. The way I figure it I've abs'd about 50% of the time in the last 6 months so what the hell…and I'm not making this decision in the midst of a full-blown hangover either, actually I'm finishing up Day 5 of abstaining and I'm of sound mind and body. Well, as much as I can be.

Actually, I was inspired by somebody on one of the message boards who is doing a long term abs. Like her, I figure I'll probably end up abstaining permanently at some point, but right now I get too depressed thinking I'll never have another chilled glass of wine with a beautiful sunset or a glass of champagne to toast a joyous occasion. I figure that within 100 days I should have quite a few sunsets to practice with and I hope I have at least one, hopefully more, joyous occasions to discern if adding alcohol to the mix would have enhanced the occasion. I have to remember to remind myself that there have been many times in the past that a splash or two or three or…of alcohol have turned what should have been happy occasions into the exact opposite. What about those not so happy or downright unhappy occasions when alcohol dull the sharp edge of pain and stress? It's a given those days will be there in number, but I'll just have to tough it out. Like normal people do.

I'm not being na├»ve. Read back through my blog. There's every reason to be cynical that I will succeed. But…..I feel ready. And I feel like I've readied the people around me, especially the cap'n. I'm sure he's thinking, "Yeah, right, I'll believe it when I see it." But he's not saying it and he's not rolling his eyes. A year ago he wouldn't have believed I could go a week without drinking but now he does. I've been making lots of babysteps and now it's time for a Momma step.

I have a plan. I have lots of plans. I'll fill you in tomorrow. Chelsea's on. Gotta go!

Tonight I'm out there doing my best to take real good care of my gift so it lasts.

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