I didn't blow it last night but I didn't abstain as I had planned either. An expat American couple cook in one of the local hotels down here and every once in a while they host a special dinner and all the expats attend. The expats down here have divided themselves into groups according to the village or neighborhood they live in, nationality (ie. British, Canadian, American and Texan), special interests such as karaoke enthusiasts and karaoke despisers and so on. Last night all of our peeps stayed home and although we knew practically everybody there, they were with their chosen groups and the cap'n and I were desperately alone with each other. So I had a beer just to make myself more comfortable in my surroundings. Then I had another one before the cap'n even finished his first. Then I had a third one just for the hell of it. Finally some of our friends showed up. I ordered a glass of wine but it was so horrible that I couldn't drink it. It's probably the only time I can remember walking away and leaving a full glass of alcohol on the table. Karaoke started up and we quickly made the decision to head for la casa. Don't get me wrong, I love karaoke. Karaoke doesn't love me. I'm one of those drunks who know full well that I can't sing but I'm still hogging the mike and caterwauling away. And since my goal was to remain forgettable last night I knew I had to get out of there before I started channeling my inner Janis Joplin.
Our friends joined us at our house for a last glass of wine but by that time I had been able to put the brakes on and I sipped my diet Sprite while they enjoyed their vino blanco. So not a total disaster but not a total success either. I made the vow to try abstaining again today and it's almost 7 pm so I think I'm going to make it although there were a couple of hours earlier when I really wanted one. What kept me from breaking my vow? There was a post on one of the message boards today from someone asking if anyone else had noticed that their anti-depressant medicine worked better when they quit drinking. I've never been on anti-depressant meds but I have noticed a marked mood elevation when I've been off the booze for about a week. Duh! Alcohol is a depressant. I guess I thought the effects only lasted as long as the booze was in my system but now I believe it has lingering effects. Or maybe I just feel better about myself and that makes me happier. Whatever works for me.
So tonight I'm out there trying my best to find my way to happy.