Follow along with me as I claw desperately for sobriety (Damn, I just chipped a nail). Share my highs and my lows, wallow with me in my self-disgust and triumph with me in my uh...triumphs! No preaching! No judging! Just know that despite what it might look like to the rest of the world, I'm doing the best I can and I know you are, too.
“It just be life, that's all. Ain't nothin' happened to you, ain't happened to most women whether they care to admit it or not. You strong, Babygirl. You a woman. You gotta be.” ― Marilyn Fullen-Collins
“you never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have.”
― Cayla Mills
“Where the will is strong there’ll always be a way
The dream goes on forever and a day”
Stronger! That is my word for the year. I'm kind of borrowing it from Lance Armstrong's philosophy, "Live Strong," minus the performance enhancing drugs and years of lying or purported lying. Been there, done that.
Why Stronger, not strong?
Because I already feel incredibly strong. Stronger than I ever remember feeling in my life. Others have always commented on what I strong person I am, but in my past I found that statement ludicrous. Couldn't they see the real me behind the facade, the one that felt on the verge of crumbling if someone poked too hard. The hairline cracks snaking across the eggshell thin surface, breath held tight in fear of shattering.
Then I did. Crumble and shatter, that is. And everyone saw that it was all an act.
I could have laid there in pieces, but I didn't. I rebuilt. Me. Stronger!
As I have mentioned before on this blog, I had a mantra that I repeated to myself as I lay in bed at night, a quivering pile of splintered shards of myself.
(I would try to picture in my mind a healthier, whole me. It was so hard to remember what I looked like)
(To have just a semblance of a life again.)
(To once again be able to feel real love, for myself, and others)
I am better, I live better, I love better.
May I present my new mantra:
(physically, emotionally, spiritually)
(I have jumped so many hurdles in the last year, conquered so many fears, I feel so capable)