Thank you guys for your kind words, it was so good to hear your sweet voices again.
I don't know what is up with me lately, I'm feeling so apathetic about the whole "support thing." I'm not drinking, not thinking about drinking, not wanting to drink. It's just that when I think about blogging or posting on my message boards I just feel "Ugh".
Did this happen to any of you? I know if I were in AA they would probably say this is a harbinger of a relapse. But I don't think so. I think it is a step in recovery. I watched my brother move away from AA after a few years and he's never drank again. He just lives a normal life without meetings and without drinking.
So do any of the rest of you ever say to yourself, "I am just so done with all of this recovery crap?"
Here's what I think is happening. When I quit drinking, I filled up my days to the brim. You know how that is, you're so afraid if you have a second to spare, you'll pick up a bottle. But now I want some of those moments to spare. I want to do some other things. Or I want to do absolutely nothing.
I'm to the point I've got to give up something, but everything seems too important to give up.
But here's what I need to remind myself, even if I give up this blog, or posting every day on the message boards, it doesn't mean I have to give up the friends I made here or there. Some of you have become a part of my life as a whole, not just the fraction that is my recovery.
On the up point, I have created another blog, it's not about recovery but it's about living a sober life down here south of the border. I haven't published it yet, I'm still working on the first posts. I'll post a link here when it's ready if any of you want to become a part of that part of my life.
And I'm still working on my book, or trying to work on it, except I keep letting all of these other things I've gotten myself involved in conveniently interrupt my work on it.
Or maybe that's just another excuse for not getting done what I need to get done.
Ugh!
I've taken breaks from the MM list. So have many others, including Pierre. It's easy to get burned out on recovery, and still stay sober. You'll find your balance!
ReplyDeleteThis makes total sense. Thinking (and talking) about drinking, not drinking, sobriety is exhausting at times. While that shared experience is what made our paths cross, I'd hate to think that's where it also ends. Take whatever space you need to focus on your needs, but know the rooting for you from my camp won't dry up!!
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Heather
hpinoob@yahoo.com