Sunday, October 6, 2013

We Are A Village

“Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.”
Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

Sometimes I don't  have the right words, sometimes I don't reach everyone I'd like to, and sometimes, hey, people just don't jive with what I'm saying.  That's why I'm so thankful that I have this whole community of bloggers out there to turn to and to rely on.  One of us is going to be able to say what needs to be said in a way that gets through, when others can't.  Yesterday I shared Christy's Word's for the Weekend, not just here, but on my fb page and also on several message boards that I am active on.  I had a message back this morning from one of the members that said, "Thanks Kary, this post literally got me through a white knuckle moment."  Yay!

Then.....I have a friend that I love but he too holds great affection for all things alcoholic, just like me.  He's been confronting it and I'm so proud that he has turned to AA for help and even though he hasn't found complete success yet (does anybody know of anyone that was able to succeed the first time they quit?  I'm curious.) he keeps at it.  We all know that's what is important.  I had contacted him a few weeks ago on fb chat but hadn't heard back and the first thought I had, as usual, was "Did I do something to piss him off?"  That's my fall back first reaction, a relic of my drinking past.  Then I remembered how I was whenever I "relapsed" and was ashamed to face others in the recovery community.  I just didn't want to hear it.  I already had a constant thrum of "loser, loser, loser, sounding in my brain.  Anyone's kind display of concern was just going to make it worse.  Yesterday I saw that my nephew was on fb chat and I thought, "What the hell. Ruth, my mom, is gonna be pissed at me if I don't reach out."  So I typed in, "Hey you, what's up?"  Then I got up to do something and while I was putzing I decided,  Ok, I'll just ask, "Did I do something to piss you off?"  I just can't let go of that.  But when I got back to the computer, my nephew had replied with a request that I call him.

So, of course, I did.  We had a great conversation.   He's back in AA and in the course of our conversation we both talked about how we had dodged the DUI bullet, and we'd always thought it was just waiting for us around the corner.  I hung up and was reading the blogs and "Whammy" there was Paul's blog The Verdict describing in great detail the nightmare my friend and I had just been discussing.  The "yet" we knew was waiting for us if we kept drinking.  So, of course, I sent the link to him.  Another great phone conversation followed.

Then...last night I'm on fb again.  No, I don't live on it as the cap'n claims,  I just check it a couple million times a day.  A woman that I met briefly years ago had seen my link on fb to the article on the Sober Nation Facebook Page and she'd been reading my blog.  Could she call me?  I have to admit, I hesitated, not because I don't want to talk to her, but because I'm afraid I won't have the right words.  I can only share my experience and that may not be the one that touches her, the one that gives her the foundation to build her own new life on.

That's where you step in, amigos.  I know that if I don't have the words, one of you will.


  1. Hi, there, Kary! Just started reading from the beginning. Thanks for blogging and many many kudos for all your successes and especially your work on the MM list.

  2. This gave me goosebumps, Kary. I don't always have the words either, that's one of the reasons I love music and poetry and quotes so much -- when I'm coming up empty, they always fill me up.

    I had almost even talked myself out of that squeaky clean volume; I'd been working on it for a while, but it didn't flow right to me, I felt stuck. So I sat down to put a volume together on the sky and clouds (forthcoming), but couldn't let the sober topic go, and then the dominoes just fell into place.

    I do believe that we post ultimately what someone else needs to hear. We may never find out, usually we don't, but those times that word gets back to us... That we helped someone in a white knuckle moment? That we're on Facebook chat right when we need to be? Chills.

    Love love love those moments.
    And love you!
    Thanks for the post. You matter.

  3. I still get goosebumps reading this here and when you mentioned this in my corner of the world. God works through others, and this is shown over and over again. It's almost like it's a given. We tend to read or hear the right words at the right time. There are no accidents. There are no coincidences. At least that is my feeling. And that conversation you had there had depth and weight. I love that I was able to be a small part of it.

    The one thing that keeps things in perspective for me when it comes to bad news it that, hey - when I get through this, I will be able to help another person if they get into the same pickle I am in! how cool is that? It's all interconnected, and then I get something out of it, and I learn something too.

    Thank you for this, Kary May.


  4. Goosebumps are contagious, it seems. It is amazing to me sometimes that I'll be mulling over a problem or stumbling over some hurdle and I'll open the blogs and find someone going through the same thing. We really aren't all that unique are we? I take that back, yes, we are unique, it's the problems that are universal, that is why it is so helpful to have a "village" (God that sounds so corny) that we can turn to when our own solutions aren't working.

  5. You don't need words...only ears. If you really listen (which I know you will) your co-writer will speak through you.

    You're an won't let your friend down.


  6. zero DUI's, zero arrests, 28 years of drinking and then one absolute bottom followed by one white chip, still sober 6 years later. It God's Grace, and the program of Alcoholics day at a time--I hope to die sober many years from now.

  7. Yay! I guess some of us wait around for that slap upside the head and when it comes, we're ready.