Thursday, February 7, 2013

No Matter What

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ----Maya Angelou

I made the comment on the MM board the other day, that finally it comes down to making the vow, "no matter what" and sticking to it.  I said I knew how restrictive that sounded, but in fact it is so freeing.  "No matter what" I will never again have to worry about being stricken immobile from the remorse caused by drunken disregard, never again will I be too sick from a hangover or too inebriated to pay attention to those people or those things that need my utmost attention.  Never again will I be so shrouded and wrapped in my own despair over my drinking that I take no notice of others' pain.  I can finally reach out, I can finally throw something back into the game of life.

My daughter-in-law, the capn's youngest son's wife,  was diagnosed with a rare, very aggressive form of cervical cancer last week.  Cat scans and MRI show no spread, but she will have surgery tomorrow and we will see if it has spread to the lymph system.  Regardless, because of the aggressiveness of this form of cancer, she will have radiation and chemo.  The five year survival rate, from what I can glean from google searches, is around 30%.  She has two boys,five and ten months.

All I am able to do now is pray, and I can do that with all my being.  But should she call on me for anything else, I will be there, I told her I was "free" anytime she needed me.

If you are of the praying sort, please keep her and her young family in your prayers, if you don't pray, I firmly believe good thoughts and wishes have as much heft.

Thank you.


  1. I am praying as I'm writing this - for her and her family and you and the cap'n.

    Man this sucks ass but I'm so happy you can be there for her. She likely doesn't realize how much she's going to need you.



  2. Oohhh that is so sad... when you wrote of her having sons my heart just broke. sending you loads of love my friend, you are awesome you really are xxxx

  3. I am the praying type, so I will include her and your family as well. Great that you can reach out and be fully present - we weren't able to do that very often in our drinking. What a gift now.

  4. praying for her-- and thinking how wonderful it is that you will be there for her 100%.

    I've been reading your blog for awhile... it resonates with me... I hope one day to be as strong as you.


  5. I will pray for her. It's great that you can be there for them and be sober. I'm sure you remember, like I do, crisises in the past when you were either buzzed or hungover and didn't have the best to offer.

  6. Hey gang, she made it through the surgery just fine (see post above). Thanks for thinking of her.

    You know I think we used to believe, and I see a lot of people on the message boards that still believe, that booze was made for the hard times in life. It's a panacea to get us through.

    It ain't. Hard times are when we need to be at our best and we can't be that if we are drinking.

    But you guys already knew that.

    I told my other daughter-in-law who is visiting us right now, I wish that everybody that drinks, especially if they've always drank, could have one year of sobriety to see if they wanted to go back to drinking. I wonder how many would choose to go back to drinking.

  7. I'm glad she made it through surgery fine. I hope they got it all and it's not in the lymphatic system.

    As for drinking, you seem like you're too needed right now to be tempted into checking out.