Thursday, June 28, 2012

Life Will Follow

"You just do your best, and life will follow. That's what my papa used to tell me."
--The Shoemaker's Wife---Adriana Trigiani

I've spent so many years worrying about whether I was doing my best, "Was I the best mother I could be? The best wife?  The best friend? The best daughter? The best anything?
All those validations and reassurances I so desperately sought were worthless.

Because I knew I wasn't.

I couldn't be.

I haven't had a drink in over 9 months and I'm just now beginning to realize the amount of will that alcohol robbed me of.  I was like a weak little kid with his hands held behind his back, struggling frantically to get free enough to fight back, until I was exhausted and defeated and hopeless, while the schoolyard bully taunted and jeered. 

Tonight I will close my eyes knowing that I did the best I could today and I can't begin to tell you how magnificent that feels, so I won't even try.

I guess I had some fight left in me after all.

Thank You God!


  1. I'm so with you. I love that we've got through to this point together. Yes! Goodbye to our boozy former selves, hello to the measured mellow selves we've become. I keep thinking about those two photos you shared recently. The one of you looking wild eyed and a little panicky with disheveled hair when you were soaked in booze, and the updated one of you in that cute top looking healthy and contented and strong. Great images. Just great. I know, I know, I know just how you feel. xxxxx