Life Will Follow

"You just do your best, and life will follow. That's what my papa used to tell me."

--The Shoemaker's Wife---Adriana Trigiani

I've spent so many years worrying about whether I was doing my best, "Was I the best mother I could be? The best wife?  The best friend? The best daughter? The best anything?

All those validations and reassurances I so desperately sought were worthless.

Because I knew I wasn't.

I couldn't be.

I haven't had a drink in over 9 months and I'm just now beginning to realize the amount of will that alcohol robbed me of.  I was like a weak little kid with his hands held behind his back, struggling frantically to get free enough to fight back, until I was exhausted and defeated and hopeless, while the schoolyard bully taunted and jeered. 

Tonight I will close my eyes knowing that I did the best I could today and I can't begin to tell you how magnificent that feels, so I won't even try.

I guess I had some fight left in me after all.

Thank You God!