Thursday, June 28, 2012
Life Will Follow
"You just do your best, and life will follow. That's what my papa used to tell me."
--The Shoemaker's Wife---Adriana Trigiani
I've spent so many years worrying about whether I was doing my best, "Was I the best mother I could be? The best wife? The best friend? The best daughter? The best anything?
All those validations and reassurances I so desperately sought were worthless.
Because I knew I wasn't.
I couldn't be.
I haven't had a drink in over 9 months and I'm just now beginning to realize the amount of will that alcohol robbed me of. I was like a weak little kid with his hands held behind his back, struggling frantically to get free enough to fight back, until I was exhausted and defeated and hopeless, while the schoolyard bully taunted and jeered.
Tonight I will close my eyes knowing that I did the best I could today and I can't begin to tell you how magnificent that feels, so I won't even try.
I guess I had some fight left in me after all.
Thank You God!