Thursday, November 18, 2010

Shoot, Shoot, Shoot and More Shoot

I finally checked my blog and saw that I had two more followers the other day so I feel obligated to write. You see I was going to wait until I could write that I had finally figured it out, that I had the answer and I had been living the happy life of sobriety for several months. Didn't happen. Instead life's been basically the same cycle since I started this darn blog. I do great for most of a month and then I go straight to hell for a week. The cap'n is fed up with me, I'm fed up with me. I've been off the booze for 3 days but I feel really sad. And then tonight I got bad news about a project I've been involved in, one that I thought was going to redeem me. Luckily I can't blame what is happening on my drinking but I feel like I'm being punished. I feel like I've been riding an undeserved wave of good luck for too long and now it's time to pay my due. I've used up my last chance and now I'm really going to have to prove myself before things get better again. Maybe that is the incentive I need. Plus I think I've developed an ulcer. Just one more thing to worry about. The cap'n says I love to worry. He is so, so wrong. I'm sitting here on this computer when I should be in bed because I'm trying to exhaust myself so I don't toss and turn all night. Or maybe I'm trying to make amends. God,I hope it works.

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