Friday, January 1, 2016

Words


Fulfillment is a feeling of happiness and satisfaction. It's also the completion of something, like the fulfillment of a promise.

Like many of my friends in the blogging world, I took up the practice of replacing New Year's resolutions with a New Year's "Word" a few years ago.  My yearly word was supposed to replace all the guilt that is associated with the traditional unfulfilled resolutions. My New Year's word wasn't supposed to require measurements or goals, it was just supposed to guide me along through the year without any demands or expectations. Like Dumbo's feather, I thought I could just curl my trunk around a word and fly.

That's me, always scouring for the next no work or sweat required gadget on the Home Shopping Network or in the As Seen On TV aisle of my local Walgreens.

No big surprise that my "Word of the Year" offered the same astonishing results as the jars full of Belly Fat Burner and Thigh Blaster pills I have in my medicine cabinet.

Warning: Results may not be visible to the human eye!

So, I was really re-thinking this whole "Word of the Year" thing. But then I started reading all the blogs this morning and was starting to feel left out.

"Maybe I should give it one more try," I thought. "Besides, I can't think of anything else to write about on this New Year's Day and, for a sober blogger, not writing a New Year's Day blog is akin to Dick Clark not Rocking in the New Year. 

"Dick," I said, "if you can still manage to fulfill your obligations even though you've been dead for three New Year's Eves, (maybe you should have read the fine print a little closer.) I guess I should make a half-hearted but live attempt to fulfill mine."

And that's when my word of the year jumped out at me.

FULFILLMENT

I'll admit the word probably stood out because of all the unfulfilled promises I've made to myself on every other New Year's Day. I guess I thought if I made it my word, I'd be pressured into being fulfilling for at least the three week shelf-life of most New Year's resolutions. Maybe I'd be able to finish at least one unfinished task in that time.

I sat down to write a list of obligations I wanted to fulfill this year. 

Ugh, huh? 

Then I started thinking about my last post about Praying Big and I decided to make my list a list of wishes I wanted fulfilled in the next year. Things that would fulfill me and make me happy. I won't share those things with you, but I'll tell you it was a helluva lot more fun than obligations.

Then, that word "pray" jumped out at me and I started thinking about that. All of you know that I pray on a regular basis. I've tried not to be too "in your face" about it but it is right up there in the title of my blog. That three letter word, G-O-D.  I thought about my hesitancy in the beginning of this blog to include it in my title and I thought about all the other times I've wondered if prospective readers were turned off by that word in my title and maybe that was why I didn't rack up the number of followers that other blogs do. I thought about how I've considered, more than once. changing the title of my blog.

I felt a little ashamed and, rightfully, ungrateful.

See, I fully believe, without a doubt or moment of hesitation that I would not be here without God. When I thought I should give up on myself, I knew He hadn't. So, I didn't. He told me to start this blog. He did. I ignored Him for a long time but then I did what He told me.

And my life was never the same.

Thank God!

I've let Him sit back there in the background, afraid to bring Him too far out of the shadows, while I basked in the light of the fulfillment of His part of this bargain. Afraid that His presence would chase off those who don't believe in Him, those that think He's just another Dumbo's feather. 

But I believe.

Now, I think it is time to for me to fulfill my part and give Him credit and share how my belief in Him sustained me and brought me through.  It's time to concentrate on where He wants to lead me instead of where I want to take Him as long as He stays in the background.

Because I know what He has planned will be more fulfilling than anything I can conceive.

So, in fulfillment of my debt to my Co-Writer, my blog will begin to focus on my quest for a more fulfilling life, through sobriety and through Him.

I don't know what changes this will wrought.  Or if it will wrought any.I don't know if I will lose some of you as readers, I hope not, because through you I am drawn closer to Him. All I know is that since I started thinking about this new direction, I've been filled with more anticipation and excitement than I have since the early days of my sobriety. Like those early days, I can't wait to see where He will take me.  

Whether you believe in Him, or not, I like to believe that you acknowledge that in this gathering of compassionate and giving souls, here in the blogging and recovery world, there is a love and a hope and a sacredness that transcends this worldly sphere.

Happy New Year, my friends. May it be a year of Fulfillment for us all.

21 comments:

  1. Happy New Year Kary May. I believe in a Higher Grace...doesn't really matter what you call it/him/her, and if people are "put off" from reading your blog, well, they are missing out. They are missing your words of wisdom. I look forward to your posts about your continued journey with your Co-writer x

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    1. Thank you, my dear. Now I feel pressured to sound wise and that's quite a stretch for me. I call my HP, God because that is what I've always called him/her/it but I think my perception is so different than what I was raised with. My HP is a friend, much like all of you with a sense of humor and kindness that abounds. See just like you guys. He's just got more clout.

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  2. I believe, too, Kary. I don't go to church anymore, but I pray several times a day. Like you, I would not be alive if it weren't for God. I just prayed for a Happy New Year for you, and me, and everyone who's reading. See you online, kiddo!

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    1. JPP, that's one of the things I'm struggling with, whether or not I am fulfilling my obligations by choosing to find Him in my own way and time and places, rather than going to church to learn more about Him. Once, back when I was going to church regularly, I went to Mass in a different city and the priest was Hungarian with a very heavy accent and the only part of his homily that I could understand was, "Do I mean so little to you that you cannot give 60 minutes."

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  3. I like that.
    Using the word God is always scary. But as the writers we get to write whatever we believe or think on our blogs.
    I like to think if I write from the heart at the very least it helps me. And hopefully someone else too.

    Anne

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    1. Exactly, Anne, and at some point we have to be brave enough to write what is in our heart, no matter what others think. It's a bit like giving up drinking, we finally have to follow our heart and quit, no matter the risk or loss.

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  4. I think we call the same thing by different names, some with more passion and clear definition, but there's no denying the love in these here sober blogs. Hope you find your word fulfilling in all manner and that it stays with you through the year.

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    1. I agree. That is what my God is, love. And that is what I find here with you guys, love and acceptance, no matter our different beliefs. Maybe that's what this blog will turn into, a sounding board for all of us to share and learn about our own beliefs and the beliefs of others. How we learn to love others and ourselves and where that love comes from.

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  5. I am agnostic. The word God in titles makes me cringe. So when I stumbled over your blog I thought I am going to read daily prayers. I read one post, then another and and another and never stopped. And we became friends. So... I think The word God meand a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It how we use it, defines us.
    Love your word. I will be thinking about mine now. Somehow I missed the train. :)))

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    1. Perseverance?? I'm not really sure where my new quest will lead. Like you, I shy away from anything with religious overtones, I don't want to be preached at or preach, I want to discover. Maybe that is what my blog will become, another path of discovery. Much like when I started this blog, I have no idea where the hell I'm going.

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  6. Your blog is my favorite!
    If you lose readers it is their loss. You are not in your face preachy. You are ah hem experienced, funny, thought provoking.
    Carry on my friend!
    My word is Mercy.

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    1. Good word. Just remember to use it on yourself.

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  7. Hi Kary May!
    Well, you didn't lose me!
    My HP is loving and kind.
    You are so right that at some point we need to be brave and write what is in our heart!
    I'm still thinking of my word or if I can narrow it to just one!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thank you, Wendy. I think you and I have the same HP. I don't know if you need to narrow your word to one, you're sober now, take it on!

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  8. OH!!!! I love this. I am trying to figure out how to have God be a presence in my life without making people think I'm crazy. Why is it that I think people like me will be turned off if I make references to God? I am not church religious but I am really spiritual, less than I want to be because a lot of people in my life right now just aren't and when I am it feels so weird that I get that I farted in front of fifteen people in the elevator feeling and I turn my back. I'm going to try harder to be comfortable with God. I'll take help. :)

    I've found that starting with small amounts (like one!) of easy promises I can commit to bigger things. Although I am really at the beginning of this- my teeth flossing/brushing/face washing promise is just now making me feel like I can take on Morning Pages every day again. :) Love to you!!! xxxooo

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    1. Okay, girlie, it's you and me in the elevator together and when everybody turns around and looks at us with disgusted looks on their faces, we'll just raise our eyes to the ceiling and hum, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!" (Get it, farting and sweet the sound? lol)

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    2. Yes!!! You're on! :) xoxo

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  9. Well, Kary May, you and God don't scare me one little bit. In fact, I think both of you are just the cat's meow and I am so glad I know you. I guess both of you led me to where I am today, so my hat is off to you both!

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    1. Now them's the best words I've heard all day. HL, funny thing is, I hear God speaking through you all the time.

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  10. You know how devoted I am to the Big Guy so you know I'll be around. Hell, even if I wasn't devoted I'd be around...cause I love YOU.

    Sherry

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  11. Hi Kary! I know you worry about me (thanks) and I'm ok. I had a really rough holiday but I'm am back :)

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