Self-Preservation

So, I went to mass last Sunday (I bet you guys are "praying" for the day I return to MX and all my blogs start out, "When I was walking on the beach this morning...), I wasn't really in the mood, the cap'n and I had been fighting and I was on Day 6 of no carbs which means no ice cream and I was that kind of weepy where if anybody looked at me wrong or said something nice, I was going to burst into tears. I huddled over in the corner of the very back pew to avoid either circumstance and kind of wondered what the heck I was doing there.

My inner voice had bribed me by saying, "There might be something really valuable at mass today. Something that will make giving up drinking and ice cream and everything else that makes life worth living  worth it."

"Huh?" I said. But I went.

I was sitting there before mass started trying not to think about how sorry I felt for myself, when I got the idea to open up the missal to a random page and see if there was a message there for me.

Yep, there was.

Here it is:

"I will extol you, Oh Lord, for you drew me clear/and did not let my enemy rejoice over me. Oh Lord, you brought me up from the netherworld/you preserved me from among those going down into the pit. "

Yeah, I think that was meant for me.

Now, the task is to figure out why I was preserved.

I guess that's a question for all of us who have found a lasting sobriety, Why did we make it, when so many don't? I don't think it has anything to do with being chosen, or being stronger, or being smarter, or being anything more than the others.

I think it has only to do with choosing to save ourselves. It has to do with putting ourselves first.

No matter what.

To love ourselves.

No matter what.

To not drink.

No matter what.

Though the mountains may fall and the hills turn to dust.

Amen.

For those still struggling:

Quit pickling yourself, preserve yourself for something better.

Choose you!

Over and over again.

No matter what.

(Ha ha, disregard the whiny, self-pitying first few paragraphs of this post, that was a hormonal, carb-deficient, atypical day. I still wouldn't trade it for a hangover, though!)