Saturday, April 11, 2015

Don't Let Yourself Get Hung Up On All That Shit

So yesterday, I saw a shark on a bike. Okay, it wasn't actually pedaling the bike, it was slung over the handlebars while a smiling young Mexican girl pedaled the bike. And it was dead. The shark, not the bike.  I have a cool life. I do. Now my Midwestern, "Aw Shucks Roots" are prodding me to say, "Yeah, but you should see the dog shit I have to step over. And the Trash? It's everywhere." And while that's all true...

I have a cool life.

I can't blame it for my drinking.  I don't.

I had a wonderful childhood. Sure there was some shit and trash there, too. But I can't blame it for my drinking. I won't.

I don't know where to lay the blame for my drinking. I don't care. I never did. And I probably never will.

Because it doesn't matter.

IT DOES NOT MATTER!


“Out there things can happen, and frequently do,
To people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don't worry, don't stew.
Just go right along, you'll start happening too!”

Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

In my recovery, I have been besieged by explanations, and theories, and booga-booga.  Is it a disease? Is it not?  Who gives a rat's ass? Was calling it a disease or not calling it a disease going to make it any easier for me to quit?

And then there's that power thing. Some people say you have to admit that you're powerless over alcohol. Some people stomp their feet and say they'll never admit they're powerless over anything.

Fine. I shrug my shoulders. Who cares?

Then there's the biggie. That God Forsaken Label.  ALCOHOLIC!!!

Am I one? Is there such a thing?  Do I care?

Not really.

For me:

IT DOES NOT MATTER!

Here is what does matter to me. (Finally! you say.)

Drinking made me miserable.

Not drinking, doesn't.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

Perhaps, just maybe, if you're spending all that time trying to figure it all out, it's because you're avoiding doing what you know you need to do, NO MATTER WHAT.



“You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. but mostly they're darked. 
But mostly they're darked. 
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! 
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?” 



9 comments:

  1. You are so right, Kary. It doesn't matter. We drank, now not so much.

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  2. As Colonel Parker used to say, "It don't matter what kind of arrow you're shot with. You're shot! Pull the f'er out."

    Okay, he didn't say it quite like that, but you get my drift.

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  3. Hi Kary, great post. I think you're right. Whatever led us to drink doesn't matter in the long run. It's the not drinking that does matter. Although, for some people it can help to look into their past and seek help to deal with the issues that may have contributed to their drinking. I know I have a lot of issues that need dealing with, but in the long run, as long as I don't drink I will be getting better and better. A x

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  4. I just left a completely brilliant post and then lost it.

    Oh well...you're right. I love you. So glad you're back.

    Sherry

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  5. Truth be told - back in the late 60's/early 70's the AMA most likely prodded by the now gigantic insurance industry thought it would be a good idea to codify everything related to medicine. Alcoholism became a 'disease' so it could be given a diagnosis code and "treatment" parameters.

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  6. Just when I start to begin thinking "what's the point?", you post a gem that reminds me it is worth it. I'd say that falls under the God wink category.

    Thanks, beautiful soul!!
    Heather P

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  7. I have to agree with you. It doesn't matter why we drink. What matters is why we quit. I quit because drinking makes me miserable. Well said!

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  8. That is actually my personal definition of an alcoholic, Someone who continues to drink even though it makes them miserable. Fit me to a "T".

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