tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59543040016692762952024-03-13T20:51:29.663-05:00God Walked Into This BarThis is my story of my voyage with my Co-Writer, My Higher Power to sobriety via the internet. It was here that I reclaimed my life.
You have your own voyage to plot, your own stars to follow whether you choose my path or choose another with AA, or with one of the many fine <a href="http://www.sobernation.com/">addiction treatment centers</a>
The important thing is that you do what you can. Now.
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.comBlogger467125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-4244078552778113412018-05-09T13:46:00.002-05:002018-05-09T15:09:37.761-05:00Where I've Been and Where I'm Going<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">“Many of us who aren't farmers or gardeners still have some element of farm nostalgia in our family past, real or imagined: a secret longing for some connection to a life where a rooster crows in the yard.” </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">― </span><a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3541.Barbara_Kingsolver" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; text-align: left; text-decoration-line: none;">Barbara Kingsolver</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">, </span><span id="quote_book_link_25460" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;"><a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1582285" style="color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life</a></span></div>
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9 years ago, we bought our first house in Mexico. We came to take a break from living on a sailboat, we needed a short reprieve from the same old boat problems, the same old bars, the same old routine. That was what was intended. Then, somewhere between Valladolid and Progreso, Yucatan, we decided we wanted a new life, a simple Mexican life. Just a little beach shack with a hammock and some coconut trees swaying in the breeze. That was our intention. So we bought a beautiful monstrosity of concrete with sliding glass doors. Okay, it wasn't really a monstrosity, it was a beautiful home with thick concrete walls that were always cool enough to make you want to plaster your whole body against them when the sun outside was doing it's best to make you part of huge human frittata. We spent years and a few tens of thousands of dollars changing what we exclaimed to be the "perfect house" when we first laid eyes on it and, then, when we couldn't find another wall we wanted to tear down and rebuild, we bought another beautiful monstrosity with sliding glass doors on the other side of the Yucatan Peninsula.</div>
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And, somewhere, in the middle we bought a little casita with three rooms total-one of them the bathroom-with a huge yard, a lighthouse for a neighbor and the entire fleet of Dzilam de Bravo's fishing industry parked out our back gate.</div>
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Fast forward to today. One beautiful monstrosity is sold, the other beautiful monstrosity is in the fingers-crossed season of being sold, and we're living in three rooms-one of them the bathroom. Our wrought iron bed is in one room off to the side of a set of rattan furniture and an old roll top desk we picked up at a second-hand store a few years ago. The appliances in our kitchen, the remaining room in the house, consist of a refrigerator, a toaster oven and a gas two-burner. We often ask each other, "How come we don't have a microwave?" Then, we say, "Oh yeah, we don't have room." We don't have any sliding glass doors. Instead, we finally have the same traditional blue Mexican door that many of our neighbors have, the ones I'd driven by for years with always the same comment coming out of my month, "One of these days, I'm going to have one of those blue doors." Yep, that's mine above.</div>
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I didn't fall in love with our little house, not by a long shot, but I <i>did</i> fall in love with its windows. One contractor told us when we bought the house, "You need to get rid of those, the termites will eat them up." I didn't listen. Instead, I hung sheers over them because my mother always hung sheers on her windows. During the day they move in and out in long sighs and at night the signal light from our neighbor the lighthouse flashes through them in 4 minute intervals. And, yes, the termites and I are engaged in a constant battle of wills and appetites.</div>
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Almost every morning I walk down to the market, stepping around the dog shit and styrofoam trays that once held pescado frito or conchinita pibil (No, I do not live in paradise. I live in Mexico.). I might grab a liter of fresh squeezed orange juice that is squeezed while I wait before I get in line at the one vegetable and fruit vendor's table and see what the offerings of the day are. Vegetables are seasonal but not seasoned travelers here in Dzilam de Bravo, you get what's grown here or within a day's drive. If it's in season. Bananas, limes, comically-shaped squash, habaneros and tomatoes are always a given. Lettuce and avocado, somewhat reliable. Oranges that look like the rejects from the orange crate are amazing from November to March and pretty good the rest of the year if you can quit comparing them to their sweeter ancestors. Strawberries are overflowing from every curbside table top stand and fresa vendedor's headtop box for a few weeks in the early month's of every year but don't count on strawberry shortcake in July.</div>
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Broccoli and cauliflower? Grab 'em when you see 'em.</div>
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Today, as I was walking back from the market, I ran into Felipe, the man who cleaned the weeds from the sidewalk in front of my house a couple of weeks ago. This morning he was standing in front of his own house and he gestured me to look inside, obviously proud of his spare but neat as a pin dwelling. That never happened to me when I lived in my beautiful monstrosities. One hammock hung from the hammock hooks on the wall, a couple of shelves held clothes. I don't know, maybe Felipe was reminding me that his simple existence is what I once aspired to.</div>
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So, where am I going with all of this? I have no idea. But I feel the urge to write about it, to spend the next winter trying to live with what is in reach of this small Mexican puerta at the very end of the road that runs up the back of the Yucatan Penisula. To wait with breath held for November with its ugly sweet oranges to arrive again next year. </div>
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A new blog? </div>
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I don't know. We'll see when we get back in the fall.</div>
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I say that a lot these days. "We'll see."</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-8840493116676508072018-04-11T09:14:00.000-05:002018-04-11T09:14:03.661-05:00Yep, Another Analogy<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="fl3pu" data-offset-key="1s8bb-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="1s8bb-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes I forget, but my first step toward sobriety wasn't MM, my first step was actually this blog. This was my first public cry for help. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1s8bb-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I received a comment on one of my earlier posts yesterday-a post written back when I was still going through that old back-and-forth tug-o-war with drinking. The reader asked, "At 50 years old, how do you make up for 30 years of drinking? How did you not blow it?"</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="3ouvh-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">My answer was, "You can't make up for it, all you can do is make your remaining years ones you don't have to make up for. 7 years later and I still don't have all the answers, but I know my life is better without alcohol, and I have worked to build a life I don't want to put at risk by drinking again, that's what keeps me from going back."</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="frd1i-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">As usual, I kept thinking about that question and thought of a lot better answers, one of them being, You realize that the past is always going to be there and you can't go back and repaint that picture. You can keep trying to drink enough to make that ugly painting look better but, no matter how much you drink, you realize it is still as ugly as you painted it, you're only blurring it's stark reality. Or, you can finally grow a pair and start painting a new painting, a painting you know is going to hang right beside that old painting for the rest of your life. You'll have to look at that painting of your past every day, but now you have something else to look at also. It's a work in progress, but luckily you have that other painting hanging right there where you can always see it, so you don't repeat your mistakes.</span></div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-27265189774534213352018-04-09T10:16:00.000-05:002018-04-09T23:09:40.156-05:00There I Go Acting Childish Again!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a friend who is new to sobriety and I'm getting to experience the wonders of it again through his eyes. He makes me want it back, all that childlike wonder, so I'm actively pursuing it these days.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #151515; font-family: "ralewayregular" , sans-serif;">Do you remember what the first day of summer was like when you were a kid? How you had that endless expanse of time laid out in front of you in which anything could happen, and how you only ever imagined good things happening? That's how I've been trying to approach every day lately. Like I'm a kid who has tunnels to China to dig and treehouses to build. As though all the drudgery is too far away to worry about right now. I gotta say, it's working for me.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #151515; font-family: "ralewayregular" , sans-serif;">So, today the task is to look at the day with child-like eyes. What do you see? I see me eager to get back to work on the greatest book ever written, the one that's going to be more famous than Harry Potter, Gone With the Wind and Fifty Shades of Gray because a kid has no idea that 99.9% of books never make it to any editor's desk and even if they did, they wouldn't worry about that because they know their book is too good not to make it. Then, I'm going to splash around in the pool. Later, I might walk downtown to get an ice cream bar because, as a kid, I don't worry about calories.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #151515; font-family: "ralewayregular" , sans-serif;">Oh, and I'm not going to worry if my feet or shoes are dirty when I come in the house until someone hollers at me to wipe my feet and quit tracking in dirt. Because, really, is that so important?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #151515; font-family: "ralewayregular" , sans-serif;">Some people would say this is a frivolous outlook to have, sobriety is all about drudgery and dealing with reality without the childlike wonder that alcohol provide, even if briefly and fickle-ly-see, as I child I can make up words if I want. I say, "Bullhockey!" Wonder and joy are not frivolous, they are integral to our sobriety's survival. If you're not feeling them, you are in danger and you need to be in active pursuit. Like a kid who is "it" in a hot summer's night game of hide-and-seek. </span>Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-72817765074936084122018-03-21T08:17:00.000-05:002018-03-21T08:17:10.261-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I am grateful for:<br />
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1. As always, my sobriety.<br />
2. A faith in something bigger than me.<br />
3. A week with happy, healthy and delightfully normal grandkids.<br />
4. Good old friends who open their home and heart to me.<br />
5. Tiramisu for breakfast-that's why it has coffee in it, right?Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-838311536714381992018-03-15T10:35:00.000-05:002018-03-15T10:35:19.959-05:00Dos Milagros<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
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I've been spending spring break with the grandkids. Lucky kids, they have a grandma who poo-poo's theme parks and resorts, so they get to spend spring break in my old home town, Liberal, KS. Ok, in my defense, it was the easiest place to get them all together and their bachelor uncle loves having his nephews and niece invade his house for the week (the kids love it because he has all the expensive video game gadgets their parents can't afford because they have kids) and the p<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">arents love it because they get a week to themselves.</span></div>
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So, I was sitting in his living room this morning, pre-dawn, with one grandkid stretched out sleeping on the couch, saying my rosary and going through my litany of things to be grateful for. I got to my sobriety and I realized that a miracle had occurred actually two. The first was that I was sitting there pre-dawn with a house full of grandkids that their parents entrusted to my care, which would not have happened had I not quit drinking. The second one takes a little more 'splainin'.</div>
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See, in preparation for this teenage male invasion, my son loaded up his fridge with junk food, so much so that there is no room for ice. So, he stationed an igloo cooler outside just for ice, except, Friday night, before we arrived on Saturday, a friend stopped by and filled the cooler full of beer. There were still 18 beers in there when we arrived. Now, there are 17.</div>
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The miracle I realized this morning is that as I have been going back and forth at least a half dozen times a day to fill my glass with ice, I never once have thought about having one of those beers. The thought of them sitting out there hasn't dogged me all my waking hours, in fact, they haven't even crossed my mind. The other day, when I went to grab one for my old drinking biddy who stopped by, I never even considered grabbing one for myself, in fact, I didn't have one wistful thought about how much I miss the old days.</div>
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The obsession ends. It is replaced with something I hesitate to call normalcy because it feels like so much more.</div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-30735543167297738702018-03-08T08:37:00.000-06:002018-03-08T11:13:30.655-06:00A Little More Treble, A Lot Less Bass<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="814rm" data-offset-key="bcgi1-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="bcgi1-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Overcast and cool here today. I walked down to the market for my morning empanada de carne and I was one of the first ones there, the fruit and veggie vendors were still sitting up their stand but the grease was already hot in the empanada pan. Walking home, amidst the dogs still sleeping amidst the trash in the streets (Mexico has many virtues, but cleanliness is not one), I had to remind myself to say "Thanks." So I started my litany of things I had to be grateful for: I was walking, I was eating, I was seeing, I was sober....Which led me to wonder, way back when I was trying to quit, did I spend the days I woke up sober wallowing in gratitude, pride and happiness to the extent that I wallowed in shame, self-anger and disgust on the days I woke up after drinking the night before.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="cjvro-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">The answer is, "No." Oh, believe me, I felt pretty good about myself and those first hangover-free mornings were like a miracle to me every single sunrise, but I didn't spend all day gloating about how great I was or patting myself on the back because I was such a success. But, the days after I drank, I didn't just wallow, I buried myself in a stinky pile of self-hate and loathing that would take me days to dig out from under. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="a7luh-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Why do we do that?</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="4ljq7-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Why do we acknowledge our success but then kind of shrug it off and get on with our day but when we fail we become almost paralyzed in our disappointment in ourselves?</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ep2gq-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe we need to adjust our settings-a little more treble and a lot less bass.</span></div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-19734409953963365072018-03-07T08:59:00.000-06:002018-03-07T13:06:40.917-06:00Audience of One<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="26rt2" data-offset-key="baapb-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="baapb-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">"There is no faster way to create enduring unhappiness than to act against your beliefs."</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="e2gf4-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">One phrase in the <a href="https://dynamiccatholic.com/bestlentever/lent-reflections-2018/beyond-the-divided-life/?mkt_tok=eyJpIjoiWTJWaU0yUmxNbVExTmpObCIsInQiOiJXQVJxbThTN0l4MVpjeE44bVlnNVBcL1M2MjgxQWs2MmdEQlZnUm01RHhkYUFYOWw5V3l0c3NaUVFuR1lzUFZMaE1SNndHc05jbktobEZkdmRjaVh6WG43bEZPYU5nUmZsY0c4NEd3eCtTeFBvNzNGUGl1ckppSlwvcFdJcnRPN1VFIn0%3D" target="_blank">"Best Lent Ever" </a>podcast really caught my attention today. "We should live our lives for an audience of one." I had just finished up posting a message to a long-time friend of mine on the MMListserv, a girl that I held virtual hands with as she weaned herself off alcohol. She and I have come a long way since then and she has become one of the most dynamic, self-assured women I know. Through her messages, I can see how much she values herself these days. She wrote this morning that an old friend is coming to visit her and she worried about he'll expect of her. It made me think of how much we worry about what our friends think when we first try to quit drinking or change our drinking in any way, it's as if they are an audience we have invited to watch our life and we are playing a role for them, even though we know, offstage, we are a totally different person. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of disappointed that Val Kilmer isn't Doc. Holliday in real life. We don't want people to be disappointed when they find out that the person they saw on that stage is not who we really are, so we stay up there on that f'ing stage for years-for me it was decades-and we use booze to keep us in our role. I lived a conflicted, divided life for way too long-that's why the voice in my head never shut up, it just kept saying, "Come on, you can do better than this. This isn't the role you were born for.." </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="3h5rt-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I finally did come of that stage, more like tumbled off into the orchestra pit. It took a while to quit trying to play the role, though, I'd been playing it so long I'd forgotten who I really was. But I came back to myself when I no longer had booze leading me away. The Best Lent Ever refers to that "audience of one" as God, but I think it can also apply to ourselves. When you become brave enough to act as yourself, your authentic self, that audience of one in your head quits throwing tomatoes and sits back in awed silence to watch the rest of the show.</span></div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-30592378281347406472018-03-06T14:16:00.000-06:002018-03-06T14:16:50.219-06:00Trigger, and I'm not talking about a horse!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<img alt="Image result for Trigger horse meme" 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" 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My post on the MM boards the other day:<br />Hi all,<br />I kind of fell of the internet recovery support planet for the month of February, sometimes I need a break from the focus on recovery and need time to go out and start my days acting like a "normal" person-it doesn't take long for me to remember I'm not a normal person and just like thoughts of drinking inundated my head for over 3 decades, thoughts of recovery and reminders that I am a person who still has to think about not drinking on a regular basis invade. No, I didn't drink. Instead, my break from recovery consisted of starting out my days taking my morning walk, messing around in the garden, and not getting on the computer until high noon. I needed that time away to re-infuse my enthusiasm.</div>
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So, I'm back. I was reading through the Fabuary thread over on the <a href="http://forum.moderation.org/" target="_blank">MM Forum</a> and one post in particular caught my eye. The writer said they were bored because they avoided doing the enjoyable things they associated with drinking. I know that a lot of people do the same thing, but I didn't. One reason I didn't check-out AA when I decided to quit drinking is because I knew they were going to tell me to avoid bars and people who drank, for a year. I could not do that and did not even want to do that. My spouse still drank heavily, all my friends still drank heavily, and besides, some of my favorite places are bars, not the loud music blaring party bars or hip-chic wine bars, I love peeling paint, scarred up floors, torn leather booths, main street small town bars where the same old cronies show up every afternoon at the same time to take their seat at the bar. I grew up in those places, I sure didn't want to avoid them.</div>
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I guess, because I had that mindset, bars have never been a trigger for me, my heavy drinking friends have never been a trigger either. Some things that were once triggers, like beautiful sunsets and hot days no longer bother me, you can't really avoid those things. However, I do still have triggers, things that make me very melancholy for the old days, times that make me think, "These are the special times I should allow myself to have a drink." I can't really avoid these either, but I still don't drink, I just let myself feel sorry for myself for a bit. Here's a handful of them: country music, hotel rooms, airports, swimming pools, sidewalk cafes in beautiful cities.</div>
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Not that many anymore, thank God. Of course, there are emotional triggers too and they run the gamut from boredom to anxiety to sorrow, can't avoid those either but I have to say, rarely is my first thought, "I could sure use a drink" these days and never do I think, "I deserve a drink."</div>
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My point is, one month doesn't get you to the point that you are able to enjoy life without alcohol, especially if you are avoiding everything else you enjoyed. The triggers are going to be there, somewhere, no matter how hard you try to avoid them, so why not go out and face them so they lose their power because one thing I've seen over and over on here and I know firsthand is that boredom is the number one trigger that causes relapse. Life is blah for a while after you quit drinking, don't make it more blah by avoiding everything and everyone you love.</div>
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Just my two centavos.</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-35698832598901690762018-03-01T10:08:00.001-06:002018-03-01T10:14:57.040-06:00Picking Up Where I Left Off<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6Ir9z7U3prsxqFBcC4uY8KAE1Xv7glNdoag_ah6KAABl95Cc3nbzDBnd_0bAumDj8xQ3Xd_hUqLbEObFago97SvsJlTFREMmaiUL3TbwElYfoB878KldWzxUyU3I4zHg2RQfCaQXE6x7/s1600/3573552646_de629751db_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="1024" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6Ir9z7U3prsxqFBcC4uY8KAE1Xv7glNdoag_ah6KAABl95Cc3nbzDBnd_0bAumDj8xQ3Xd_hUqLbEObFago97SvsJlTFREMmaiUL3TbwElYfoB878KldWzxUyU3I4zHg2RQfCaQXE6x7/s320/3573552646_de629751db_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">“As we plant in tears, we shall harvest with joy.” </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">― </span><a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8297615.Lailah_Gifty_Akita" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; text-align: left; text-decoration-line: none;">Lailah Gifty Akita</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">, </span><span id="quote_book_link_25349499" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;"><a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/45089802" style="color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">Pearls of Wisdom: Great mind</a></span></div>
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First my apologies. I don't know if anyone will still be out there following this blog, but I am sorry for abandoning this blog for so long. I found myself spread too thin and I let the thing that got me started on this path, go. That just doesn't seem right, does it? So, I'm back.<br />
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I'm not sure how much more I have to say on the issue of drinking, I think I've said everything and if what I've said in the past wasn't enough to get anyone to change their life where drinking is concerned, than I doubt anything I say further on the subject, will do the trick. I have come to believe it is a decision that each person makes when we've decided to quit lying to ourselves and telling ourselves that we can keep doing what we've been doing and still have the life that God intended for us.<br />
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We've got to decide we want to find that life, more than we want to keep drinking, or getting drunk. Yes, I still believe that moderation-because I've seen it- is a possibility for some people, but unfortunately, for our generation, and in our current society, admitting we have a drinking problem still has so many negative connotations attached to it, we tend to wait until our chances at gaining back control are very slim. Still possible, for some, but not without a lot of work and time spent, and more commitment by the barrels than quitting completely takes. It puts off finding that intended life just that much longer. I base that on what I see day in and day out over at Moderation Management. The ones that find peace the quickest, are the ones that quit.<br />
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But, don't fret, I'm not quite bottomed out on the subject. I still run into lessons every day in pursuit of personal growth where the lessons I learned when quitting drinking apply. I've been participating in the <a href="https://dynamiccatholic.com/bestlentever/?mkt_tok=eyJpIjoiWldZMVptWXdOV05tWXpZeCIsInQiOiJpaWVDVjJYYmVcL1FMQjVJdDhcL0JLMEtpRXluYjBhRFpWYjZlU1B2SVNUUHZtSTlyN0lhVGlJYStkcGFTaHR0RUhcL0hJWW9CZ1pMUHhPanBDTHFuUnluZ3ZpZTdcL0dBalZLTEVENXB2RFcyaWc3K3dPbmhSa3pKQjhaXC91WFFBUzZNIn0%3D" target="_blank">Best Lent Ever Series</a> and, yes, while it reminds me of so many familiar lessons, it also brings home the fact that I am now free to use those lessons on other areas of my life. Catholic or not, I think this series is phenomenal-and the daily videos are short but packed with opportunities of self-reflection-and, no, they're not paying me to say that. lol<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One thing I've realized is how much drinking stunted my growth in all areas of my life, for most of my life. If you looked at my life from the outside, you might not see it, especially in my early drinking years. I was ambitious. I formed a family, I went to school three different times, completing degrees each time. I excelled at work. All the while drinking very heavily and waking up every morning hungover. I worked hard to get where I got, but, now I wonder how much further I could have gone. The last decade of my drinking became solely focused on managing my drinking, just trying to get through the day, there was definitely nothing left to give to other areas of growth. Then, the last two years of of my drinking were spent on trying to quit drinking. You cannot imagine what the landscape looked like to me once I cleared alcohol out of my fields. For the first time, I could see clearly what I had to work with, who I was, and what areas were easy to cultivate and grow things in and what areas were full of rocks that needed to be dug up and cleared. One field at a time. I definitely have a better idea of what areas I'm virtuous in and what areas need more fertilizer and less manure. Lol </span></span><br />
<br />Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-24836221629381470002017-09-18T10:46:00.001-05:002017-09-19T07:54:21.399-05:00How The Heck Are You? 9/18/17: Neighbor Kary May's Handbook $.99 USD Today!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHh-oP2HuFDU0ExVp2ECaUHm1hW6FtGKjn7jexWYtQwqKV_STrAJFPoGeFnC-kz1_ek3IwatUgLQdw0O4gELpuzfHuwCF76GjZUYOIrRs-mSHzu2XJNuEJV3oe-JMzBz5x5DeRj_cMXHKb/s1600/12d40f12999ff10120965140d3c08b17--quotes-for-life-a-quotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="736" data-original-width="736" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHh-oP2HuFDU0ExVp2ECaUHm1hW6FtGKjn7jexWYtQwqKV_STrAJFPoGeFnC-kz1_ek3IwatUgLQdw0O4gELpuzfHuwCF76GjZUYOIrRs-mSHzu2XJNuEJV3oe-JMzBz5x5DeRj_cMXHKb/s320/12d40f12999ff10120965140d3c08b17--quotes-for-life-a-quotes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I have a friend who is going in for a TIP procedure today. Basically that is the placement of a hepatic shunt to reduce portal hypertension and variceal bleeding caused by cirrhosis. He is such a great guy. Since I don't hang out with the party crowd that much anymore, I didn't even know he had a drinking problem, he was always just a nice guy who would do anything for anyone, the one you called when you needed a pickup for any reason. But I guess he was a steady beer drinker, never really drunk, just drank beer all day. He had to have a pacemaker inserted on Friday before he could have this surgery. I hope this is a wake-up call for the hard drinking ex-pat crowd down in MX.</span><br />
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On the homefront, the cap'n has been moderating remarkable well on his own. The hiding of the booze didn't last long, I didn't really enjoy treating him like a child or a patient. No fights. It's been wonderful. It's been what I know our marriage can be. Fingers crossed still.</div>
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The leaves are changing up here at 10,600 feet and there's still frost on the deck this morning. I'm dreaming of snow.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Last week was a landmark week for me. I celebrated 6 years of sobriety and one year as a published author, ok, self-published. I also started my own secret FB group, No More Never Agains, to talk about drinking amongst friends who have quit, are trying to quit, are trying to moderate or are just worried about their drinking and have found a few new kindred souls. If you're interested in joining, let me know at karymayhickey@gmail.com</span><br />
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Life keeps keeping on.</div>
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To celebrate I'm offering my book for $.99 U.S.D today and tomorrow. </div>
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Here's the link: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LWICGL6" target="_blank">Neighbor Kary May's Handbook To Happily Drinking Less or Not Drinking At All-Quite Happily</a></div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">The Book is supposed to be on sale today, (9/19) too, but check the price before purchase. Sometimes Amazon and I don't understand each other.</span></div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-90744715051086436472017-09-04T09:59:00.002-05:002017-09-04T09:59:48.934-05:00How The Heck Are You? : 9/4<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Happy September!</span><br />
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I know we've all been watching the new coverage of people suffering through the aftermath of Hurricane Irma. My two brothers and sister live in Houston and I'm relieved to say that they are fine and none of their houses flooded, however my sister is still evacuated from her home because the water is up to her doorstep and, since she lives near the levees that they keep releasing water from, that's not going away anytime soon. To say my sister is a bit of a princess would not be exaggerating the truth. Her house is high and dry and she drives through neighborhoods where people's life's belongings are in mountain high piles on the curb, but I didn't hear much gratitude in her voice when I spoke with her yesterday.</div>
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To give her credit, I know many of us have stopped in the last week, when we were about to complain about something in our own lives and thought, I don't have the right to complain, look at what those poor people in Houston are going through.</div>
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Lately, I, myself, have found the things I loved threatened, not by a storm, but by my own greed and the endless stride for "better and more." It has made me realize the things that really are precious to me. The things I will fight for and the things I can let go of. So much I can let go, so little is really precious, but what is, is now doubly precious in my eyes. </div>
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Why does it take the threat of losing something to realize how much it means to you? </div>
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How the Heck are You Today? What precious things did you find in your soul when you quit drinking? What do you hope to find? Me? I found a resilience I didn't know I had. I found a willingness and abillity to explore my soul that was lacking before. What am I still looking for? Contentment? Peace? They're there in greater amounts than they were before, but I'm still drilling that bottomless well I can draw from.</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-55861741904305718602017-08-01T09:43:00.000-05:002017-08-01T09:43:04.587-05:00Quarters and Pennies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Happy Last Month of Summer! That's a depressing thought which kind of fits my mood this morning. Summer always goes so fast. I'm not really depressed this morning, more kind of melancholy, reading fb posts does that to me sometimes. All those posts of parties and large groups of friends make me feel deficient. Not that I don't have friends, I do. Really amazing ones, I just don't have hundreds or even dozens of them. Even when I was drinking, although I was surrounded with dozens of people on an almost daily basis, being the party ringleader that I was, I could always count the number of people I considered as close friends on one hand. But somehow all those people around me made me feel better about myself, from the outside it looked like I was loved, I must be really worthy if I had all those people hanging around me. Now. the fact that I am no longer in the midst of all that humanity, makes me question if I'm all that likeable. Ironically, I like myself a lot better now than I like me back then.</span><br />
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Speaking of fb, I posted a meme on my Kary May Hickey facebook page that says, "As I get older, I'm becoming more selective of who I consider a friend, I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies."</div>
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So today, I'm trying to remember to be grateful for the $1.50 worth of quarters I always have in my back pocket instead of regretting the bottle of pennies I left sitting on the shelf.</div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-74493228401734245752017-07-27T10:08:00.000-05:002017-07-27T10:08:08.321-05:00How The Heck Are You 7/27/17: Woo-woo, woo-woo. Woo-woo, woo-woo. (Hum The Twilight Zone Theme)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Gosh, you know what? I really don't have much to report on today. I've had a long stretch of laziness this summer-except for when the granddaughter's been here. I need some motivation. I need to just do what I need to do. I need to get off my a$$ and go for a long walk, eat something that resembles a vegetable, do something with my hair!</span><br />
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Just one of those days when the self-improvement to do list seems endless. I am drowning in being gloriously human.</div>
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On another topic, I've been reading books about psychics, near death experiences, and reincarnation this summer. Currently reading, "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007EDYNAO/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1" target="_blank">Many Lives, Many Masters</a>," and according to what this "prominent psychiatrist" has discovered from the past life regressions of one of his patients, we carry our vices on to our next life if we don't conquer them here. Like one lifetime of battling booze ain't enough<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Really interesting stuff, if you believe in that kind of thing, and I kinda think I do. Oh and I really liked, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TNDOYHA/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o01_?ie=UTF8&psc=1" target="_blank">The Light Between Us: Stories from Heaven. Lessons For The Living."</a></span></div>
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What are you reading this summer? And...</div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-14070790261427759662017-07-25T09:15:00.000-05:002017-07-25T09:15:20.608-05:00Hot Stuff!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifzesg8boy9vfixBTqllLO1fnbXpGjPwAvRvAjUoC3kJfPod28EoOk17QO58mFwPiRzOhXdcWlcx9W6TWwAVXpKtOq9WAI1yuzEfSMFipt9Q6Z29o8kboQYomOHMvckHITbDJekWsHK76i/s1600/Gerard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifzesg8boy9vfixBTqllLO1fnbXpGjPwAvRvAjUoC3kJfPod28EoOk17QO58mFwPiRzOhXdcWlcx9W6TWwAVXpKtOq9WAI1yuzEfSMFipt9Q6Z29o8kboQYomOHMvckHITbDJekWsHK76i/s1600/Gerard.jpg" /></a></div>
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I knew I liked this guy for a reason-and not just because he's hotter than Papa Bear's porridge. I just want to squirt some honey on him and slurp him right up.Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-7341618396631261132017-07-20T08:47:00.001-05:002017-07-20T08:55:21.512-05:00Echo<br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">“I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of the hunger for life that gnaws in us all.” </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">― </span><a class="authorOrTitle" href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9657.Richard_Wright" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">Richard Wright</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">, </span><span id="quote_book_link_228630" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;"><a class="authorOrTitle" href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2063986" style="color: #333333; font-family: Lato, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">Black Boy</a></span></i><br />
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Those of us who have quit drinking are often asked what it took to finally break those chains. I don't know about the rest of you but I struggle with the answer because I can't really explain why that day, almost six years ago was <i>the </i>day. It just was and I'm so glad.<br />
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I've seen others try to explain it through the years, but this morning I read an especially beautiful description and plea called out from the mountain top over at <i>Finding A Sober Miracle. </i>I so loved her comment that if you could look into the future and see your life and who you will be when you are sober, you'd quit right now. <br />
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I think it's so worthy of being shouted from every mountain top so here I am shouting it from mine: Read it!<br />
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<a href="https://asobermiracle.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/hope-for-the-heavy-drinker/">https://asobermiracle.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/hope-for-the-heavy-drinker/</a>Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-56953305896328986832017-07-19T08:14:00.000-05:002017-07-19T08:14:06.209-05:00Real Estate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">As some of you know, I live in Mexico in the winter. In the ten years that we have spent our winters there, somehow. through a quagmire of circumstances and disappointing expectations, we have ended up with three properties there. For the last three years we have rented out two of them and it has been hell-I am not cut out for the hospitality industry, anytime someone complains I want to throw all their money back at them to make them shut up. I find myself talking potential renters out of renting our properties just so I don't have to deal with them. lol</span><br />
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Now, it looks like we might be selling both of the rental properties which leaves us with a small casita that consists of one room that serves as both living area and bedroom, a bathroom and small kitchen. It is located in a small fishing village in which only four others gringos live. I am so thrilled, really, to be free of the complications of the last few years and to have the opportunity to live very simply. </div>
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To take some time to contemplate what and where we want our future to be. To take some time to just be. I</div>
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I remember how I escaped to Mexico from living on our boat, thinking a change of scenery and a new start was what I needed to combat my drinking. It didn't work, my drinking problem steadily grew regardless of being uprooted. Now, it is so liberating to know that I am no longer escaping anything, I'm just living light. It reminds me a lot of when I first gave up drinking, the possibilities seem boundless, but at the same time, just staying in place and living life day by day, without encumbrance, is very appealing. </div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-25045234413289748762017-07-17T09:09:00.000-05:002017-07-17T09:09:11.221-05:00My Story-Sort Of<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I could have written this story. I didn't, but I could have. I bet a lot of you could have too. Still miss drinking sometimes? Still get a little jealous and feel left out when you see pics of your old gang out wining and wining without you? Me, too.<br />
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Read it, we're not alone.<br />
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<u><a href="http://www.self.com/story/alcoholic-or-just-really-like-to-drink" target="_blank">What's the Difference Between Being An Alcoholic and Just Really, Really Liking To Drink</a></u><br />
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I think, as this article points out, it's not about if you identify as an alcoholic or a party girl, it's about who you know yourself to be inside and becoming brave enough to become that person on the outside. I was never someone who could laugh about my drinking or the next morning stories of my inebriated exploits the night before. I was ashamed of that part of me, it wasn't who I was even if it was who I was being.<br />
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I tried to be ok with who I had become, but no matter how hard I told myself to relax and accept "me" as I was, "me" wouldn't let "me."<br />
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Thank you, Me!<br />
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<br />Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-19873262362065681862017-07-13T08:50:00.001-05:002017-07-13T08:50:49.124-05:00Loving Loud<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My middle son sent me a message yesterday afternoon saying, "I just want to let you and the "cap'n" to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate you." Now, this message would make most parents smile but my son suffers from untreated depression and me, being me, imagined the worse. I finally got him to call me back last night and he assured me he was just saying he loved me because too many times people leave it unsaid. That he's not going to do anything "stupid."<br />
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It's frustrating loving someone who won't help himself, to be able to see a way out of their darkness when they can't or won't. This kid has put himself through rehab three times so I know he's a fighter but he won't go see a dr. about his depression! </div>
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So today I'm frustrated and wanting so much more for someone I love. But I'm sober and grateful I am no longer so wrapped up in my own demons that I can't spare the mental real estate that was being squatted on by my obsession with my drinking. My mental real estate is a free space where others are welcome and I can love as loud as I want. I'm grateful that when I asked, "Do you need me to come?" I knew I could. Right then, I could have grabbed my keys and jumped in the car and driven 6 hours to where he is. I'm grateful that I could listen, really listen because I was <i>really</i> there.</div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-61341923042005841922017-07-11T09:24:00.001-05:002017-07-11T09:24:32.366-05:00True Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The cap'n (my DH) got home yesterday afternoon after being gone for two weeks and I had lots of things planned for my last short hours of alone time but then, about 11 a.m., an old friend called and said she and her husband were in the neighborhood, could they stop by. We spent 3 hours catching up and when it was time for them to head back over the mountain, we could have talked for 48 more without stopping.</div>
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I've known this woman for over 30 years, we've gone through a lot together. Raising kids, divorces, break-ups, the death of our parents and lots and lots of nights of wine and song. God, we had some helluva good times! She is one of those few people I know I will always have in my life and who will stick with me through thick and thin, because she loves me. When I quit drinking, I worried about losing friends, but I never worried about losing her.</div>
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Those are the only kind of people I need in my life, people who love "me" no matter the choices I make. It's almost worth quitting drinking to find out who those people are.</div>
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How the Heck Are You?</div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-81562042572697025632017-07-10T09:55:00.001-05:002017-07-10T09:55:25.306-05:00Re-Committing <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm back! I didn't really go anywhere, just took a couple of weeks off from my daily routine to spend more time on a project I've been working on way too long. I took some time to fall back in love with it. Did I get it done? No. Did I get as much done as I wanted? No. But you know what? It's okay because I got enough done that I know I will finish it and instead of getting overwhelmed by the time I have spent and how much work I have left to do, I am happy that I'm still working on it, that it's not sitting stashed away somewhere waiting for me to finally finish it someday. Instead it's right here reminding me to do a little more every day. I'm back in love<br />
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Sometimes, we just need to pull our sobriety out of the rag pile, shake it out, and just get back to work. No looking ahead or behind, just look at the next step in front of us and take it and then keep going as far as we can. Yes, we might get knocked off course again, yes, it's going to be hard and a helluva a lot of work, but it's always going to be here nagging at us to get back to work on it. Fall back in love with it.</div>
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Today's the day. You got something better to do?</div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
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Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-65307045417329184462017-06-26T09:26:00.000-05:002017-06-26T09:47:21.885-05:00Sadness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A family I have known all my life-I went to school and church with them, my kids went to school and church with them, my son's best friend is part of this family-was hit by tragedy last week. On an early summer Wednesday evening two of the boys, 16 and 14, cousins and best friends set out in an ATV, This family is a farm family and ATV's and horses are a routine part of their day. The sixteen year old was driving. They hit some loose dirt and the ATV rolled and the 14 year old who was not wearing a seatbelt was thrown from the vehicle and the vehicle rolled over him. After many frantic phone calls the 16 year old finally got hold of his uncle, my son's best friend, and he and the 16 year old's father rushed to the scene of the accident to find the boy cradling his 14 year old cousin who was dead.<br />
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This tragedy is multiplied so many times. Two childhoods lost, that of both the child who died and the child who survived. Great grandparents who lost a great grandchild and who have another great-grandchild severely affected, who are grieving not only for those children but for their children and grandchildren. And on down the line. Grandparents, parents, siblings.<br />
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Life is too short not to grab on and hold on to every moment we have with both hands. Too short not to wrap ourselves as tight as we can around every moment with the ones we love. No matter what we tell ourselves, we can't do this if alcohol is stealing parts of our lives from us, if alcohol is stealing parts of us from others.<br />
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We have now, who are we in this moment? Are we who we want to be right now if in another minute life forces us to become someone else? Our life will change, that goes without saying. How many moments of perfect serenity will we sacrifice if we don't grab what we can right now?<br />
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<br />Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-9870915137413097712017-06-23T09:29:00.000-05:002017-06-23T09:29:00.212-05:00Willpower? I called and you didn't pick up.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think I'm getting old. I'm salivating more over that little muffin with the icing on top than the stud muffin holding it! Sorry, The Rock, you're just no competition, sigh.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Well, blew the diet yesterday. I tried, I really did. I used a whole lot of "tools" before I gave in, I walked the dog, I ate some sunflower seeds, a healthy lunch of stir-fry, finished cleaning the house, scoured the tub, then I dived in. I didn't stop at the chips and dip, I went totally bacchanal. Ice cream with Heath topping, popcorn and butter!</span><br />
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Oh well, today is a new day and yesterday doesn't erase every stride I'd made, it may have put those few pounds I'd lost back on in one swoop, but I still remember how good I felt when I was following through on my promises to myself. So, today is a new start, every day is. I'm going to do my best and realize that my best is sometimes more than I'm willing to put forth.</div>
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Speaking of keeping promises to myself, I'm taking the next couple of weeks to keep another promise to myself. The cap'n will be gone working and I am going to revel in it because I think this might be my last time to myself for a long, long time. So I'm going to dive deep into ME TIME! I'm going to get up before the sun comes up every morning and light candles and say my rosary. I'm going to feed my critters, the birds, the squirrels and Freddy the Total Shitz-Poo. Then I'm going to write, write, write. </div>
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Oh yeah, And I'm going to fix a big pan of tuna casserole-the cap'n hates it and Mexican cream of mushroom soup is funky so I haven't had any in at least seven months-and gorge on it for three days. I guess this is in my DNA, my dad hated tuna casserole too so my mom would always fix it when he was out of town on a job. She'd also un-ground us-Mom always said grounding was more of a punishment for the parent than the child-and take us to the Ben Franklin Five and Dime to buy paper dolls and army men. So maybe, just maybe, tuna casserole is more to me than a can of tuna, cream of mushroom soup and noodles, maybe it's an infusion of mom and childhood. I need some of dat.</div>
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How the Heck Ya'll Doin'?</div>
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Kary</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-69841266274503915752017-06-22T12:16:00.000-05:002017-06-22T12:16:04.749-05:00I Need A Hangover Day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I want a hangover day! No, I don't want the hangover but I want a day that I just lay around binge watching TV and eating stuff that's really bad for me. Hangover days always served to compound the guilt I felt from getting drunk and a hangover day today would also make me feel guilty. But not as guilty. I've been eating healthy lately keeping my calories within limits, losing a few pounds and a self-indulgent day would erase a lot of that effort. </span><br />
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I really want a big bowl of potato chips with a side bowl of dip right now. Don't know how this is going to end up. It's days like this that I remember how hard a time I had talking myself out of drinking, how all those good intentions and enthusiasm would just disappear at certain times and no matter how I tried to conjure them up they were no where to be found. How did I finally quit? I go back to my old mantra, "Don't you want to see what's going to happen?" It was the sense of promise, the air of reward beyond my imagination that would keep me from reaching for that bottle. I wanted a new life, I wanted to see that new life. I wanted to find me and I wasn't going to find me in that bottle of booze, that's where I'd lost me.</div>
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So how does that apply now? Am I at the bottom of that bowl of chips or am I outside walking Freddy, the wonder Shi-poodle? I guess it's time to put my shoes and socks on and go find out. The chips are safe for now, I want to find out what happens when I lose 10 or 15 pounds, I want to get to know the me that accomplishes another goal.</div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-78085013640819457442017-06-21T11:15:00.000-05:002017-06-21T12:39:18.527-05:00School's Out!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The results of Carrie Fisher's toxicology tests have just thrown me for a loop this week. See, I'm one of those people who goes around saying every failure, every stumble, every relapse is part of the plan, in each one is hidden a vital lesson we have yet to learn in order to get to where we are meant to be. Obviously, if you quit drinking or drugging and then decide to try again, you had another lesson to learn. Right? That's what I used to think. But what one more lesson did Carrie need to learn? That addiction kills? That you shouldn't waste your chances? That those chances aren't without limit? That we know everything we need to know and we are wasting our lives waiting for that final magical lesson that is going to teach us something magical that will change the path of our life forever? That lesson doesn't exist and if you're waiting for it, you are wasting precious time.</span><br />
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So today I'm out there re-considering some things I once considered true. Sometimes we don't need to have anymore lessons, at some point we have to STOP looking for more education and spend the rest of our lives applying the lessons we have been taught.</div>
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The above meme could just as easily say, "Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have <i style="font-weight: bold;">saved</i> our life."<br />
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Sometimes I ponder drinking again, maybe in 10 years, maybe if I take a trip to Paris or Italy... but you know what? I've learned the "I can quit drinking and be happier than I ever was drinking" lesson, I don't need to re-learn it.</div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5954304001669276295.post-80115655237644579482017-06-20T09:43:00.001-05:002017-06-20T09:43:46.388-05:00Recovered Garden<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm good and I really don't have much to write about this morning. House cleaning and weed pulling is all I have in my plans for today, nothing monumental but a miracle still. Every day that I am sober is like a fertile garden waiting for me to plant something and watch it grow. Yes, there are weeds, but in their own way, they're beautiful too because they keep my hands and mind busy and while I'm out there ripping the little assholes out, I work out my aggression. It's all good.</span></div>
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How The Heck Are You?</div>
Kary Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12674442468925628974noreply@blogger.com2